shoe and paper.

early, nice and quiet.
wait
hear the sound of the sons alarm
and now there is a pigeon call outside.
nothing but the ticking of clocks and the occasional pigeon call now.

So go to grind coffee,
for the big Bialettin machine

Think about the drive planned for today to collect a door,
that was bought cheaply and will be needed for the sons room.

There is a shoe alone in the middle of the floor of the sitting room.
left there  along with a sheet of paper.

inside or outside

Wow.

not just tinnitus, little piercing pains there too, that darken the mind and allow the eyes to black out. Only for a short while today.

Saturday rest, then up at seven, the world seems to be asleep.

The mess in the house is as always.

depressing.

Sorry.

the clock's ticking is a steady reminder that time will move on without assistance.

with or without 

Talk to the world by machine

28 April 2017.
A morning wish not to have to get up, not to need to go to the bathroom, for the warmth and comfort of bed and then breakfast. Instead, hear the sound of the rain outside, the rain that is steadily soaking it's way through everything outside.
Stroke the cat, examine the clothing. All is there, available, the wallet, the pens in the camera bag, all. A pale grey light outside, dim sky, diffused light. And that steady rain. Walk down the alley, bareheaded, no hat The umbrella forgotten in work last night.

There is bird song in the rain, the birds are singing. There are none to be seen, only heard. There is birdsong, and a gurgling sound from the gutters, and the steady sound of the rain.

The bus stop in the distance, so a car pull up, somebody runs out to it, a person dressed in white. In a white raincoat.
The door opens, closes, the car waits at the side of the road, waiting for the traffic to pass. Then it is gone.

Dolores is at the bus stop, she grins and wishes a good morning. Perhaps she is happy that it is Friday, who knows. A car approaches, flickers the headlamps, undips them for an instant to attract attention. Dolores is dreaming, she does not notice. Tell her that her lift has arrived. She starts, jumps up and rushes over to the waiting car. The approaching bus sounds it's horn, Dolores and her lift move on. If the bus could wear an expression it would be frowning now.

Teachermann arrives, wearing a brown cowboy hat, with a length of rough twine around the base of its crown. The twine is in accordance with some fashion, a rustical hat.

The railway station forecourt is deserted today, wet and glistening.

And now that division in the cafe has been completed, a white wall now partitioning off what used to the cafe seating space and the eating area.
The people working here have been robbed of their view across the forecourt, to the bus station, and to the river.

Meanwhile, the coffee on the table, the black notebook. The man opposite, blue overall, chubby face, white hair, reading his morning paper. He looked like the cheerful Hedgehog out of a childrens book years ago. He does not look like that any more.

The view from the moving train shows a dark and well-soaked landscape, trees still displaying their structure, black skeletons against the fresh dim green. Some are greener than others. But they are all wet.

There are long queues of cars on the road that runs parallel to the tracks, all bringing their owners to work. They are just a mobile extensions to personal living space, a cocoon protecting the transportee from the tension and the discomfort of the outside world. Barring any contact, other than with the road, and barring any contact with people, outside of those permitted by the rules of the road.

Talk to the world by machine

primitif

April 27 The cat comes into the dark room, purring, rubbing its head against the furniture. The bony head scratches against the leg of the bed, the purr changes tone. The mobile 'phone buzzes, and starts to play that seaside melody. Get up, go to the shower.
Something to wake up to.
And then shave the stubble from the face. The cat is purring still, let her out into the hall. It is so early in the morning, and it it raining too. Leave the house, the lane is dark, the sinister alley.
There are bakery trucks delivering refrigerated bread to the various bakeries in the main street.
Say good morning to Dolores at the bus stop and then, minutes later a car arrives, stops .The driver leans over to the right and taps on the window, she looks up, and goes to the car with her swaying gait. She gets in, fastens her seat belt, and they drive off.
The bus arrives, pay the driver. sit down, there are free seats today at the front of the bus.

And later, at the railway station, get that large cup of coffee, as every day. Hopefully, it is better today than yesterday
sit down opposite the Hedgehog man in his blue overall, reading his newspaper.
He seems happy enough, a woman pains hi and starts to chat.
And then, at six in the morning, one hour into the day, leave the cafe for the train. The cafe is being converted, the internet part is being closed down. No matter.
After the train has arrived at platform six, and a seat has been found, continue to write this journal. These notes, sometimes a joy and sometimes a chore.
The trees outside, to are still almost bare, their black trunks, branches, and twigs with scant green trimmings. And the rain continues, the river is brown and swollen. These things are visible from the dry interior of the carriage, these things just pass by "windows.
Grating-faced parking-house in Moosburg, the train halting, halts. People get on – more commuters. More views -  green conifer forest on one side, open fields on the other. the Train will arrive in Freising after passing all of these smaller villages on the way.
Passes through the polished german landscape, a landscape wet through, a landscape reduced to a primitif painting by the avid work of the farmers.

Dismal, black damp

Wed, April 26
Awaken in advance of the alarm clock, shower, and dress. so simple. It is dark outside, and it Is tommy. • The cat wants affection, and attention,

The eat is purring, and happy.
The honour is not. Dissatisfied. Alone.

Out to the street, it is raining hard. The yellow waste bags in front of all the houses today. All is dark and glistening, and

There is no

- joy today. Not that there is ever any great pleasure in the morning. Unfurl the small blue umbrelly. and cross the streets, pass the church. There is no wish for nearness, voices are rough. unpleasant. The voices of men talking at the bus stop, the impatience of the bus driver. Dolores, sodden wet, shivering in the bus shelter. The lights in the hotel breakfast rooms. where the business mans breakfasts are being prepared.

The railway station cafe is being altered, plasterboard, partitions are being erected, dividing the once-spacious serving area. Maybe there is more traffic in the station now, perhaps there is more money to he made with an extra shop. It has reduced the cafes to a rather poky, unpleasant place, dark and tight.

There are many people about, mainly men, some with voices roughened, loud coarsened by alcohol and cigarettes. Some are obviously suffering, few are happy. All are dressed in damp dark clothes, rain- wet hair, All, many more than a year ago.

Coffee from a blond polish women today, her name is that way, the name display on her name tag.

The other girl accepts every order and then Sayes "Alles?". Sounds like" Alice". But it means 'will that he all?"

Leave the-now-depressing place with the cup of coffee in hand, the Rosenheim Diesel train is just coming in.

Realise that this person is just another shadow among shadows.

A shadow the substance and cause of which can only be seen unclearly, distantly. A grey thing with diffuse motives.

25APRIL

The light from the danger for the mobile phone lights the citing, a small blue circle strangely wight in the dark-Pushthe button or the telephone, it is half past four in the morning. Try to sleep, every second of relaxation is woothea
get up then, the alarm clock tagging. Inspect the bathroom, brush the teeth, shake the art. All of these automatic things, rising too early.
Dressed and washed, leave the house Take the rubbish bin out, put it beside the front door. To be collected later. And it is starting to rain. out at a mite grey sky. There are only wet spats on the newemeut now, there will be more later.
A small red car passes, illegally speeding on its way to the pedestrian zone, using the start out. wtk morning, an attempt to influence the passage of time.

On board the train

two weeks away

six in the morning eat an apple, use a strange device to split it star shaped into segments.
A flower out of a fruit and not the other way around.

it is light out, go out into the hallway to check the mobile `phone. The power is off, it has not loaded, it is dead.

Plug it in, it comes back to life.

that was easy.

Dentist  at eight thirty, something to look forward to, then work.
Tomorrow everything will be as usual again

Who knows what work will bring today.
two weeks away

no relaxation, no chance.

Awake,early,
Grey color, grey-haired man,
home
The mask is on, blowing air, dilating nostrils,
the tinnitus' hiss

And the strain of two weeks holiday in all of the bones.
The change was not a rest
A stress of entertainment, entertaining
A holiday is different
it is imagined

Go back to learning Portuguese
tomorrow
Go back to work tomorrow.

It was six fifty five today, and every bone ached
It is twelve twenty now, breakfast, kitchen cleaned, prepared.

There is work to be done.

stars

rude awakening, pitch black dark. The mobile phone, the seaside melody, there it is, time to wake the son, and to leave Ireland yet again. The Aer lingus flight fles at six, it is three and it is an hour to cork.

Two hours early are demanded, the car is to be returned, and the suitcases must be closed.

The son will not get up, he does not want to.

The bags go out to the car, the dog smells a rat, and is standing by the gorse bush barking.

It is three in the morning, the son barely awake.

look up and see that there are more stars to be seen in the sky than in Germany, the sky is lit with the uncounutable small bright lights, the milky Way a streak on the horizon.

Write a note on an old page at the kitchen table, thank you and goodbye.

The brother gets up then and comes down from his room,

says goodbye.

And the journey to Cork begins, in the small car with the condensation on the windows.

Then Lismore under the stars.

Knockmealdown mountains

contrail

this day is bright, the last day of the holidays.

it is a quiet morning, an early morning.

the son is sleeping in his bed

get up, select clothing from the heap, find clean underwear in the suitcase.

A case for suits, holding socks now.

And a large plastic bag of dirty clothes

Toothbrush.

Read the news, a French policeman killed, maybe more.

One dead madman, murderer, misguided, dead too

Watch the contrails of the distant aircraft passing,

leaving a white line over the brown hills lit by the low sun.

pancake

the sound of a mobile phone, son's alarm, he does not switch it off. It sounds
and sounds
and goes on for ages.

he just sleeps on

Shout.
Silence.
That is it for now.

Sleep

the sound of a mobile phone, son's alarm, he does not switch it off. It sounds
and sounds
and goes on for ages.

Shout again

nothing
He has got up.

So get up
shake the phone

OFF

that is it now

Sleep

he sound of a mobile phone, son's alarm, he does not switch it off. It sounds
and sounds
and goes on for ages.

this time turn it off

The son comes in

The brother has made pancakes
it is a pancake breakfast today

good

Dodder, river in Dublin. Cormorant

Dodder passing on to the Liffey, passing over the weir just here, a soothing hiss to hear in the morning light and in the night.
Choir with the tininitus.
Morning to get up, sorry to go, back to Cork.

Get up and gather the clothes, the electronic devices,
talk to the hosts, share the tiny bathroom.


There is a cormorant on the Dodder
Fishing for breakfast.
He heads off in disgust after his picture has been taken.
Coffee and an egg
for that human, those humans

The children are all on their computers.

kingfishers

sound of the river Dodder through the open window, cold city air.
and when the cars start passing know that the day of work has started

For some, in the city of Dublin
The dodder goes over a weir
here
makes noise
and provides a habitat for water rats,
otters, and kingfishers.
And a hunting ground for amateur photographers.

And now, awake, late

crow

crow flies across the vista offered by the kitchen window.
Kids play in the sitting room in front of the television.

Oh.
make a cup of coffee.
The big hills have their peaks in the clouds, the small ones are brown and bareheaded.
The grass is green and soggy damp.

And the shower was hot and the shave close.

And there will be no attempt to show yesterday's pictures, like yesterdays pictures, they are gone now.
Yesterday is for regrets, those are a waste of today's time.
this is what it was
there is another crow approaching out of the distance, fly over the house , black crow bird.

na mbo, ruminants.

grey cap on a black and tan mountain, low cloud, green verdure everywhere.
A solid dppepression, the weather and the mind
Easter Sunday
Childeren wandering around
Can we EAT CHOCOLATE after Mass?
Will we be EATING CHOCOLATE?
Plain sugary brown mass, dental corrosive, joy of the dental technician.
WE WANT
in a nasal, bored voice
US and WE
When "soon" as a response actually means "never", not unless force is applied.

Apply force
shame the son into cleaning up the mess of cereal fallen to the floor.

But then back to the computer

back home

yellow flare of gorse in front of the one window
Fence and grey capped black mountain framed in the other,

driveling sound of television entertainment from the living room, background noise, some Irish bo moaning out the depths of his shallow soul in larch soulful easy to understand goblet sylables.

Strained constipated little voice sets into a soulful howl.

an bo, plural na mbo

ruminants.

mount meleray

Black Instant

holiday, get up
nine
the son is up
the sky is blue with clouds
it is cold


wash and shave
important.
check the shower
Go to the sitting room
The son is there with his cousins.
Tell him to get up and have a shower, clean his hair
long red and greasy now.
So he eventually sees reason
and does the neccessary.

Plans for the day with the brother.
Beach and rocks
different beaches
different plans
the children are happy at home playing with computers.

the day has not a bit of rythm yet.
Make coffee

Black Instant

cloneagh beach, receeding tide

machine

Yesterdays colors,

gone today , the weater grey

But a long and deep sleep,

iterrupted by a silly jangling sound 

From the sons mobile telephone

a jangle chirp to end the peace with its inane repetitiveness what is to be expected - a spontaneous machine or what

yesterdays colours

picture later, later picture

colours yellow and green, grey.
Sky gray grass green, gorse yellow.
yellow gray green, dark brown and light tan mountains.

Awake, the one sore dog is out for a walk with his mistress, the in law sister.
He is recovering, the wound from the night fight stitched.
slow old wounded dog.

The one young and fresh has no inkling of the harm done.
All is quiet and the day progresses.

Let us hope that there will be a picture later.

canine

grey day holiday, away from home.
the dogs that fight at night, bite,
howls of two pet animals in the dark of the night
animals in a fight for position, in a fight for dominance
the old and the young,

The brother is there, turn on the lights,
the young dog is using his strength and speed to abuse the older animal.
She is hurt, and in shock
put the young animal out into the night


The next morning wake up late,
the brother and his wife need to take the victim of last nights canine brawl

to the vet.

gorse near lismore

T11

The dog is locked out, and wants to be let in.
And the birds are pecking at the contents of the wire mesh tubes at the windows. A knocking sound is generated as the impact of their beak on the nuts is transferred to the window.
And the childdren, that is the son and his cousins, are all in the sitting room watching the television, or using it to play games, and discussing the differences between Germany and Ireland.

And the light has turned green outside, the foliage on the trees and the deep fresh green of the grass. And the moss on the roof of the small birds house on the tip of it's pole.
A mild spring.

The son has found his toothbrush. After three days.
Now he can brighten his teeth.
In-Law sister is up, and about, gathering things for the class that she is about to teach. Children and adults.

And relax now, make coffee in the strange percolator, a silver jug with a cable attached, coffee holder filled water put in and power applied.

The machine grunts, and the clear glass lid is sprayed with water, brown from the coffee grounds, and then browner still. as time goes on.


And then all are awake and the day starts.

The dog has broken in to the sitting room again, a thing it may not do.


Irish holiday

Monday, the week before Easter.

Done
done sleeping.
Awake

Light bright and quiet.
Holiday.

The son is up playing with his cousins again

Outside -
Ablue sky with white fluffy clouds.

Take a shower
even the water is soft here.

And go out, down the hallway to say good morning to the brother
and his wife

rest

awaken in Ireland, in the hills behind Lismore, in the brother's house, a grey sky and green fields outside. The son awake, now playing with his cousins. He comes in to check on his father, happy to be with his cousins, he suddenly fluent in English. He who forgets every word when the teacher asks.

a humid grey day in the green Irish countryside, children playing in the sitting room, all in order, all peaceful.

Yellow gorse in front of the window.

The mountains lost in the fog.

holiday

Plane

8 April 2017

lack of the car and return. Breakfast is in full swing now.

So take another cup of coffee. And wait. check the passports. Then. all go to the car, and drive Through the awakening town in the early light.

a short run onthewetomay, through all the fiddling roundabouts at the airport. and then win the queue, wait for at least an hour.

They said that it was remunerated to be on time, two hours early r

A late clerk.

Fly-Today