old walls

 Went out and got the cats food from the supermarket in the morning. It was a quick trip. Met a person on the way back who insisted on silly chatter, there was no patience with that.

Returned home and attempted to make a sensible print of the pictures taken last week. For some reason they all turned up too cyan, it was tricky to take them back to their normal colours again.

This kind of thing is worrying, there are too man places where the mistake might be.

Spent much of the rest of this very hot day relaxing and reading. The artist had made an appointment, but then he did not turn up. Without any excuse.

Had a pleasant conversation with the son, who's studies are becoming increasingly difficult.

Tried to sit on the doorstep in front of the house, but it was so heated up by the sun that this was impossible. Remained indoors, and enjoyed the coolness of the old walls.

The whole day is depressing in a solitary way.

favourite seat

 A dox not entirely wasted, a day spent relaxing and walking to the shops. There was nobody there really to talk to, but the cat is learning to make do with the writer of these posts as its main food supplier. During the visit to the shop the cat food was forgotten, it will be necessary to buy some tomorrow. The feline is not close to starvation.

The day spent editing the pictures of Aurelia yet another time. Spent time fixing the printer, spend time calibrating the monitor. The monitor is in very poor condition indeed, but now it seems to work reliably.

Sit on the doorstep and relax in the pleasant hot sun. The cat comes out too, she does not go away, but hangs about the doorway with her human. This excites comments from the passers-by.

Feel slightly depressed all day, there is no knowing what is wrong, and having to deal with the constant apprehension that something nasty is about to happen makes things difficult. The only nasty thing is a five hundred Euro bill for fire insurance on the house. This is an important thing to have when the house is built wall to wall with at least five neighbours, all of whom would sue in the case of such damage.

Now the day is turning into evening, the cat is snoozing on its favourite seat.

Today

 Today started with simply not really being able to get out of bed to be early at the vehicle repair place. After clearing up mess left by the cat the night before took the car and arrived at the garage before ten in the morning. It was necessary to wait for half an hour, then the car was raised and it was possible to look underneath it. The damage was obvious, there was a break in the exhaust pipe and that was the source of the extra noise that the car had been making. A further two hours of waiting, the spare part was delivered and the old pipe and mufflers removed.

After this took a meal at the airport café, and watched the small private planes flying in and out of  the small local airport.

Upon returning home find a notice in the mailbox. It is the brown parcel delivery service, it claims to have delivered the parcel to the depot in a neighbouring village. This is just too bad.

Finish the editing of yesterdays pictures and make prints. The artist had said that he would turn up, but he has not. This allows for room for thought, it is not the first time that this has happened. It would be a disappointing habit for him to get in to.

There will be time to finish the order tonight, and then the matter will be done.

yesterday

Waited in the early afternoon and then fell asleep on the comfortable chairs. A knock on the window and awoke and picked up the jacket and the soft box for the flash unit and left the house.

Locked the door, locked the cat in.

The artist drove to his studio.

Set up the lighting and set up the background. There is no space, and the piece is too big. The piece is of a science fiction character called Aurelia.

When all is set up the artist leaves for home, he has work to do.

Finish setting up all of the lighting, and take a few test pictures. Change a lens and take a few more.

Fall asleep on the sofa. The landlords girlfriend comes in and be wide awake in an instant. She is just curious as to why the windows have been blocked off. She leaves, and as it is almost dark, get ready to take a few pictures.

Take the pictures and wait for the artist to return. Change the position of the piece slightly. Take more pictures.

Then tidy all the gear away.

and now it is five past one in the morning.

This account is for yesterday.

Quiet Monday

 Monday was a bad day with no joy. It is still Monday, but the day is not going anywhere special. Perhaps the artist will need help in his studio, but probably not. It is Monday after all.

The cat was insistent on food in the morning, it forced its feeder out of the bed early. After feeding the feline went back to bed until she was hungry again. Now it is evening, and she is sleeping. It is a cat's life. 

Went to the shops and forgot to buy cat food. That does not matter there is still some left, it will do to go on Wednesday. On Wednesday there will be an appointment at the car repair place, they will look and see what is wrong with the exhaust and which parts of the system need to be replaced. It will be a costly exercise, it always is.

Tried all day to make a concept for the artist's book. This is a failure, it is not working.

This is sad and too bad.

Now it is evening and the eyes hurt after a full day at the computer. Perhaps a visit to the pub would be in order.

things to do

 The day did not start well at all, sleep kept on coming back all morning. Walked out of the house for a while? used the car with the meanwhile very noisy exhaust to drive to the studio and to collect the card reader. It is quiet in the studio and noisy in the pub next door.

After finding the small device returned home, finding a barely legal parking spot at the end of the street in front of the old Jesuit church. Returned home to start printing out the latest pictures after simply editing them.

Stayed at home with the vat for company. It has started

to use the chairs from Burghausen as a place to sleep when she is not begging for food.

In the evening there was a call from the artist, there are things to be done in the studio.

loud noise

 The computer screen that worked yesterday is dead today. It will not show a picture . Try the external screen, that works well. At least no data has been lost, and it will not b e necessary to buy a new computer in these hard times. It is a nuisance, no more.

The weekly meeting at the gallery was pleasant enough,  one of the little books was sold.

A quick visit to the building suppliers and ten dowels were bought. They will be used to hang the flags with the pictures on them.

In the evening drove to the artists opening celebration inGeisenhausen. The event was wildly overfilled, prune faced indivduals everywhere spending their money on ceramics. There was a small band there, but they were loud and of simple taste.

On the way home realise that the exhaust on the car is defective, it is too noisy.

again

 Walked through the market this morning, and went to the supermarket. The farmer's market is no joy, so many of the things on offer are clearly imported from far away. For example, there is no local olive oil production in Landshut.

Buy the usual products in the discount store, by the by. Walk home again slowly, passing the postman on the way. There should be a few packages coming today, that is worth looking forward to. Return home and pack away the bit of shopping.

Later there is a knock on the shop door. It is the parcel delivery service, the two packages containing the flags are there. Why there are two packages is unclear. It was all one order  really. There is no point in being concerned by the firms methods, their postage is free. There is also a small package contains a jacket, a mistaken purchase from China.

Spread the flags out on the floor, they look good. Try on the jacket, apart from being a silly glossy blue, it is too small. It is a Chinese XXL size, perhaps the factory is in a place where people are not so big as people here. That thing was a waste of money.

Feed the cat and make something to eat, then walk over to the studio and  hang the flags. The flags have photographs printed on them, photographs of tiny wooden figures. They are now enlarged to thirty times their size. There is a plan to use these flags at an exhibition in Moosburg in the near future.

Drive out to the artists place in Geisenhausen.

When there realise that the exhibition will be tomorrow, not today.

At home, finish printing the work of the last few days.

And now, get ready to go to the artists studio again.

night work

 Hanging around hme all morning until an email arrived saying that due to problems the packages would only attive tomorrow. 

That is dissaponting.

A woman calls by, and she starts to show interest in the shop. The silly cow thinks that it will be cheaper because she knows names. It is not for rent, not now and not to her.. She has a small dog which has a simple interest in cats. 

On the way to the studio visit the health insurance people and ask them to witness a form saying that the recipient of the insurance is alive and well. The pension people send that notice every year, as do the Irish national insurance. The Britons have not bothered yer.

At the studio set things up

and wait for the daylight to fade.

Do a good evenings work.

from one to the next

 Out of bed today at nine, the cat jumped in through the window and wanted food. Cats are not complicated in that respect. Fed the animal and made coffee for breakfast. Took a bowl of muesli to go with it.

The brother wrote a thank you note for the little book of photographs. That was very pleasant of him. His business appears to be being very successful.

Spend the morning arranging things and making prints. Then take a walk to the studio and, after chatting with the people in the pub, set up the camera gear. After a while, notice that a few parts are probably back home. Turn around again and return home. At home make a mid-afternoon meal of a few boiled potatoes. Throw out an old package of cheese which has gone mouldy.

There may be more interesting things to do this evening. The new flags are supposed to arrive tomorrow.

rainy day

 Stayed indoors today, remained in the back part of the shop and listened to the rain fallinheg on the leaves of the trees in the small yard at the back of the house. The rain made noise on the leaves and fell on the concrete ground, a steady patter.

It was sad when it stopped.

The wife has an early shift this week, and the cat comes down similarly early and wants to be fed. The animal is really quite insistent. 

Lie in bed and listen to the rain, and then go up and take a shower. Put away the clothes that are still in a heap from the washing machine, since yesterday. In the early afternoon the rain ceases and take a cloth shopping back out to the glass container. It is glass and bottles from the previous six weeks, and note that there are five empty wine bottles. This means that there is an average of about one seventh of a bottle per day. Is that too much?

It was pleasant to just remain at home yesterday.

Now it is late afternoon. and it will be possible to read a book. That is a nice thing to do.

tomorrow will be better.

 was awakened unpleasantly early today and do not know why. It does not matter, but it would be more pleasant to wake up properly. 

Do the work for the artist, setting up his flags for the printer. there are problems that come from a lack of routine for doing this kind of work. But it works on the second attempt.

Go for a short walk and deal with the shopping.

The cat is very reserved after the accident yesterday. It seems to have affected her deeply, and she is not in her usual good humour.

In the afternoon settle down and just rest. It is strange, but there is no understanding the leaden tiredness.

There will be no further work today, just a small matter of paying a large sum to the taxman.

and now it is back to bed, an early night and a hope that things will be better tomorrow

the poor thing

 Last night a drunk individual forced his way into the artists studio and started assuming authority over the place.

It was unpleasant.

Went home and went to bed.

Woke early today and had a shower, that cleared the dirt of the night before away.

Tried to find a picture on the basis of the number, and discovered that it did not exist.

Answered emails, and walked over to the artist's studio to check the numbers which were on the catalogue. The number provided by the artist was wrong, it was not part of the collection.

The pub's landlord provided a cup of coffee, very nice of him. The others present just  looked strangely. The annoyance last night must have been great and visible.

After checking all the numbers, and looking about the studio, returned home. The town is filled with tourists, wandering around in groups listening to the guides, or singly eating ice creams from cones. They seem mainly to be older people.

At home return to bed, allow midday to pass.

The son comes in to chat, and then finds the cat's harness and lead. He succeeds in fitting the harness to the cat without serious injury. Then he goes out into the street with the animal. The cat is not particularly interested in exploration, it just lies down in the dead leaves in the gutter and basks in the sun. After a while it starts to wander about with the son at the end of its lead.

Sit on the steps in front of the shop, and enjoy the sun. Suddenly the cat races past into the house at the highest possible cat speed, the lead and the plastic holder trailing behind . The plastic holder makes a loud noise on the street. The cat, in an expression of pure terror, races through the shop, through the back room, down the corridor, up the stairs and then hides under the sofa.

The son follows and, as he later says, released her from the lead and the harness. An hour later the cat was prepared to forgive him.

the poor thing

as promised

 For no apparent reason, woke up wide awake at five in the morning. Padded around the sleeping house, the sleeping dog, and took care to wake neither him nor his mistress. Went all the way downstairs to the toilet and then went back upstairs again.  The dog opened eye, then closed it again.

Some more sleep, and then at six got up and had a shower in the downstairs bathroom and then went back upstairs again. Put on the clothes, went downstairs and both the dog and his mistress were awake.

A small breakfast was enjoyed, and a few last minute things were packed, and the journey back to Landshut begun. 

Started to feel very tired, and it was difficult to concentrate.

At about one quarter of the distance the oil level warning lamp lit up, a silly symbol with an oil can. Drove on slowly and carefully. Forty kilometres further on, at the first service station, pulled in and searched for the details relating to the last oil change. This documentation was not to be found. Looked at the oil on offer in the garage and saw that there was one type marked as universal and suitable for all types of cars. Bought one litre and poured half of this into the engine. Checked the dipstick, everything seemed all right now.

It was easier to drive now, the dizziness and unwellness had receded.

Upon arrival in Landshut unloaded the gifted furniture and then parked the car in a free spot in the area reserved for residents. Back at home again, lay down and let the dizziness take its course.

At one go to the gallery. They now express interest in having a copy of the little booklet of the Dublin exhibition. Wonder who has been talking to lead to this change of mind.

Chat with a teacher about education. She is retired, but she knows what she is talking about.

Return home and assemble the furniture from Burghausen. The big printed flag has arrived, and it makes a really good impression. The quality is unexpectedly good. One of the ordered jackets has arrived too, the color is unfortunately not as expected.

Now it is time to wander over to the studio and to show off the new flag. Let us hope that the costs will be covered as promised.

defective wheel

 It is so extremely civilised here that it is hard to understand the people who made it all wanting to leave. But they left the building one month ago today. They will not be back.

It is ten in the morning, now why was sleep so deep? There is no idea why at all. Go downstairs, go to the lavatory and say good morning. The dog seems entirely happy and looking for food as usual. 

The daughter has a doctor's appointment, and she has to leave for an hour. Make a small breakfast finish the coffee. Read the news, and see that there are so many horrors in the world.

After the hour is up she returns, and we go for a drive to buy 1) a crate of beer and 2) look at a grill. The beer is simple enough, but the grill is problematic. Carry it forward from the display, then see that there is a screw missing. Whilst returning the device to its display a wheel fell off.

Enjoyed time in a cafe on the banks of the Salzach after filling the tank of the car with cheap Austrian petrol.

In the evening had a meal of some quiche, and then dismantled some furniture. It can no longer be used here, and now it is a present.

Put it in the back of the car.

It is dark, drink beer and talk.

walk by the river

 It is just about two in the afternoon, the weather is good, and there are red roses on the table in Burghausen. It is now a month since the parents of the friend died, and it will take a long time for her to get over the shock. She made breakfast today, a continental form of a full Irish breakfast.  It was almost midday.

Fall asleep on an armchair, the same kind of exhausted shuttering of all functions experienced in the last months. Fall asleep for an hour, then go upstairs and lie on the bed. After a short nap there get up and go downstairs. The friend is in her room with her dog, she is reading.

Go downstairs to the big room, and start to write these notes. See that the light on one of the sculptures outside is good, take the camera and take a picture of it before the light changes.

We will go out now, the friend, and the dog as company, to see the sighs and to take a walk by the river.

moving

 Going to bed early without having worked late leads to early rising today. Up at six, make breakfast and feel great. Then realise that nothing is packed for the journey over to Burghausen. Start putting together the necessities, then lie down and dose for a minute. No, it was quarter of an hour. The breakfast coffee has chilled.

Upstairs, find a few ironed clothes, bring them downstairs. Downstairs again, take the coat out of the wardrobe.

The cat has disappeared. This is normal cat behaviour, but since a journey of some days is planned go back upstairs and check those rooms to make sure that the cat is not locked in.

Downstairs again, finish the packing. The cat turns up and wants to be petted. She is getting older, her life will probably end before that of her owner.

Decide to have another cup of coffee, why not.

new and very smart

 Yesterday ended strangely, a woman came by to watch the work in the studio. She tried to convince the artist that some rock and roll singer would suit as a guest to the occasional parties in the studio. Step well back and let the artist decide. It is his studio, after all is said and done. He seems to like and desire the woman, he is easy to convince.

Stay well back, as said in the last sentence. There is no conviction from this point of view.

Today's awakening was a long and weary process, finally managed to arrange a few things, to bring the clothes up to the washing machine. Scrub the collars on the shirts, and wash them with the bed covers

Set up the picture selected by the artist to make a banner. The file size is huge, it takes a long time to be downloaded and uploaded. Make sure that all of the parameters are correct and upload the file. The banners are quite cheap, but still set the payment to be due in a months time. What with taxes and so forth there is not much money available this month.

Relax a while, and then accidentally go to the wrong cinema. But with a quick text message correct the error. In the other cinema they show so many advertisements and trailers that it is easily possible to walk across town and to be in time for the show. The film was about a Scottish man who suffered from the Touret syndrome.

Afterwards had a beer in the pub. It is a new and very smart pub.

cold on a hot day

 The  first of june

was mainly spent in bed

everything sore including the head

in the evening out to the studio, sharpenn a fewchisels and drink a beer

The wife asks for why a pullover on a hot day.

cold and sick there is no reply

Later today a post for the day

drone

 After yesterdays excursion to Regensburg, started to feel quite ill in Landshut. It was no longer possible to work on the wooden statue for fear of doing damage. It was hard to concentrate. Everyone was very pleasant.

A young woman started promoting her  US-American boyfriend as a  good singer to sing in the gatherings that she had seen happening in the studio. She then showed pitiful videos of this person describing his suffering after being the recipient of a covid infection, and his demands that the hospitals restitute his physical health. He shares videos of the treatments that he endures.He is a reminder of the last US-american met during the previous year who had expected everyone to sympathise with his uncontrolled moaning about his condition, and expecting tolerance for his spitting and urinating  in public. Everyone has sympathy for those who suffer illness,  but there is no need to make the rest of the world suffer.  The songs he sings are pop songs from the Elvis Presley era. Upon being told that the musicians are principally Jazz musicians she says that he can sing Sinatra too. Oh well, it is the artists studio, and she has impressed him.

"not my cup of tea"

Stay in bed on this Sunday, take it easy.

Think of the singers last night, singing a long single tone to a drone.

But things are better now.

late

 The day was spent recovering from the night before. Until eleven, went out to buy cat food and forgot it and bought other things. Too bad and too tired.Had a cup

of coffee, the an askeds how the son was getting. The usual stories were told.

Now it is past midnight.

Spent time with rhe gallery crowd, but they were no fun today. Met the young woman who had the issues. She has lost weight.

Spend the rest of the day resting, until it is ti

e to go to Regensburg. 

The Regensburg concert was four singers and ten in the audience, all in a tiny room.

It wa interesting 

yesterday

 yesterdays post

there was nothing to say, the book arrived and it was gar better than expected.

Spent time at home packing a few copies to send to people in Ireland and now know that the rules are different. A book may not be sent as letter pist any more.

Spent the time in the studio erecting the sculpture, a spontaneous party started when some young people came in looking for entertainment.

There was one young woman who could play the piano really well

waiting for food

 The phone rings after the second sleep of the day, the cat having put an end to the main sleep of the night at six in the morning. Made coffee, made breakfast, back to bed.

The phone rings, a friend from nearly fifty years ago is on the line. He is in Landshut, he would like to meet up.

Do the washing up and a very little bit of cleaning and then go to the station on foot. It is half an hours walk. It is a hot day already. The friend recognises his colleague, he is surprised that there is no recognition in return. But then it does not matter, half a century will change everybody's appearance.

He presents a book of photographs from the eighties, they are pictures of Munich people. They capture the aura of the time well

We chat for an hour, he has to meet up with his employer at the station. We talk for an hour, much about common acquaintances at the photo school in Munich.

Return home with the book.

The cat is there, waiting for food.

Perhaps there will be more to write about this evening

degraded

 It is evening, the neighbourhood priest has filled out the form identifying this recipient of a pension to the Irish Social Services and confirming that said recipient has signed the form. This proves that the recipient is not yet deceased so that they will need to continue paying their pension. The document is now safely in an envelope and will be placed in a postbox later today.

The weather is now hot, it is late spring and global warming may have hit. Print out yet another picture and then walk over to the studio via the small bridge over the river. The first sunbathers are on the small pebble strand by the  river.

Before leaving the house order two cheap jackets online. Having visited the shops in Landshut realise that they only seem to cater for short fat people at the most. They probably only stock those sizes in frequent demand. 

At the studio the old writer is blowing into his saxophone playing arhythmic versions of popular melodies for the instrument. He hits the notes well, but the sense of rhythm is not what it should be. 

In the studio start to arrange the things so that it will be possible to take pictures of the remaining wooden sculptures. The landlord next door kindly provides a cup of coffee. Finish off the work done yesterday on the wooden things for the artist. There is less interest in the carpentry work now, it is wasting time. 

During the day there is an unpleasant email exchange with a local bandleader. He does not wish to pay the agreed price any more, and what was a normal business relationship has degraded into something else. This is just to bad.

domestic

 At three in the morning the cat start a fuss. There does not appear to be any reason for it, other than that the heavy little animal wants some more food. Get up and put her into the passageway and close both doors.

Sleep until six, there are some strange noises then, and go back to sleep. Perhaps the three glasses of beer yesterday were simply two glasses too many. Last night was a strange episode at the studio, somehow the artist had bad luck and cracked his piece twice. Spent quite some time repairing these cracks. Accidents will happen.

There is a visit from the customer who bought the print last week. He is returning the packing material, that is thoughtful of him. Many people do not have the time to do this. Packing materials are a nuisance, they are expensive to buy, and a nuisance to store in larger quantities.

Take the photographic gear to the studio, and check up on last nights work. The glue appears to have set well.

Go to the building suppliers and get a few screws and bolts. Forget what the original purpose of the trip. Go to the grocery store there, it has a completely different character to the one in town.

Then go home and start to clean up the yard. Bit by bit things are getting better.

It is a lovely hot day, leave the windows open, and take the windows out of the front door and replace them with wire gratings. This allows the air to circulate inside the whole house.

six lines

 Woke up to a silent town, there was no noise, no traffic sounds, coming in through the window. It is that holy Monday, Whitsun or something. Pfingsten in German.

Stay at home all day, sleep a lot.

The bad news yesterday supplied much for consideration.

The cat was fed, is now a fat cat.

In the evening go to the studio, there are things to be tidied there.

tragic

Starting this Sunday in a lazy way, walk about the house for a while and then take a walk through the town. Meet an old acquaintance by chance, and stay for a chat. Together in a café he talks in a flood about his plans, his family and his hobby. A short suggestion starts another flood, whether it is morals or anything else.

Two cups of coffee later say goodbye, there is a chance to meet up later in the week.

Go home and lie down for a while, after feeding the cat.

Awaken in the afternoon, and start to cook a small amount of food for the evening meal. There is a telephone call, it is the brother. He speaks of his successes, he is a master of gardening and garden design. He now has work for the European Commission.

Start to make an evening meal.

There is another phone call, a call from an old friend. She has a story to tell, a tragedy. Her parents both together decided that their life had run and used medical products to end their lives. This telephone call was long. It was not long ago that  both parents seemed alive and cheerful. Now they are gone, and their daughter and their grandchild are alone. It is hard to understand this. It is not clear as to whether this was a brave decision or not

Finish cooking, perhaps a visit to the studio will be in order today. A glass of beer and a bit of late night work would be good.

camera stand,, what next?

 Awoke at six and felt good, got up and showered. Made breakfast and turned off the seven o'clock alarm and then went to the car. It was a lovely clear morning.. Traffic was very light as far as Munich, and then it simply got worse. Carried on driving slowly and steadily, saving nerves and saving petrol.

Arrived in Stuttgart absolutely dead on time after a journey of roughly three and a quarter hours. The city seemed a strange place, not really ever having been there before may be the cause of this assessment. It seems to be inward looking, with a great attention paid to privacy. Standing at the door to the flat be confronted with a touch screen. Touch it and a list of names appears. Touch the desired name and a picture of a telephone appears, Touch the telephone and a computer voice (female) says that the door is now unlocked. Push the door open, look up onto the first landing, and there is a man with a studio camera stand.

Pay the desired amount.

Pay him, and take the stands to the car with his assistance.

Then say goodbye. The business is done.

Traffic home is much heavier. The automatic navigation system suggests that time will be saved by taking a different route. Stop at a motorway café and have a ridiculously expensive coffee. Then follow the systems instructions.

The result is a very long drive through an interminable string of villages.

Arrive in Landshut quite exhausted, this was nearly eight hours on the road.

With the help of a few people in the pub by the studio unload the cast aluminium camera stand. The item is in very good condition.

Leave the stand in the studio and then drive the car to the parking spot  near home. Reconfigure the seating of the car for the sake of appearances and then go home.

It is strange how tense and wound up the old body is. There is no way to sleep, everything feels cold even though it is actually hot outside. Make a cup of coffee and cannot drink it. Feed the cat, and she gets sick on the floor. She has already been fed upstairs, and the extra food downstairs was too much. A greedy animal. Wipe the floor and dispose of the paper kitchen towels used to clear the mess up.

Lie down, and after a while doze off.

Now it is five past eight in the evening, drink the cold coffee and wonder what needs to be done next.

early

 Spent time in the morning tidying things and making a proper breakfast. Upon waking realised that the watch had stopped. This may be a sign of a deep and immobile sleep. Certainly today was strange, for when sleep stopped the tiredness was gone too. For the last many months it has always been so that the tiredness remains and comes back with full force later.

Spent a small amount of time in the café in the Peter and Paul area of Landshut reading. Reading gives pleasure again, it did not for such a long time. Rereading the books stored on the Kindle app is pleasurable again. Perhaps the concentration has improved.

The walk today went better than the walk yesterday, perhaps a few more times taking the short stretch and then it will be possible to do the longer walk. Today breath was no longer quite as short as yesterday.

At home, the cat is demanding all the time. The mildly overweight animal requires constant feeding. 

Tend the plants, water them, and take those that are upstairs out onto the balcony. Clear up the tiny back yard and make things a little bit more orderly in appearance.

Tomorrow there will be a long car journey, it will be as well to go to bed early.

strange relationship

 Got up late and took a longer walk. There was nothing for breakfast in the larder, so a walk seemed in order. It was pleasant and hot in the park.

During the walk, decided to try and buy the big combo tripod in Stuttgart. The price was reasonable, it was worth getting. It will greatly simplify the photographic work in the studio.

Have a roll and a cup of coffee in the café on the edge of town. There are problems there with their card terminal. Just pay old school, using cash.

Walk along the river to the shops, and buy some butter and apples. Also buy some tomatoes and some cat food.

 Go home and send an inquiry for the tripod.

The answer to the inquiry arrives later in the day. A date is speedily worked out, there will be a journey to Stuttgart on Saturday, a round trip of around six hours.

The wife announces that she will be away as of the twelfth of June. Talk about all kinds of things. But not the son, just taxes.

It is a strange relationship.

Or else, perhaps just go back to bed.

 A quiet day, did not venture forth. Last night spent time in the artists studio, his atelier as people call it here. That is French for workshop. His wooden statue of the android is nearing completion.

It was late last night, and it could not be early this morning.

Spent the day easy, washed clothes and boiled potatoes.  A short walk through town was pleasant. But much did not happen. There was a really pleasant conversation with the son, he is getting involved in political things in the frankonia part of Bavaria.

But during the whole day there was no other conversation but that long telephone conversation.

Listened to music on the web, and fell asleep. The internet failed after that, it was off for some hours. Then it returned. Took a long shower, that was pleasant.

Now it is evening, and perhaps it will be possible to go to the studio again. Or else, perhaps just go back to bed.

yesterday's pictures

 It is a quarter to five in the evening. The day started with a visit to the post office to collect the errant package. The post office informed that the package had been deposited at an address over a mile away. This is irritating. Took the short walk back home and double checked their data online. Then took the walk to the other post office.

Wearing a warm jacket over a hoodie proved to be a mistake. The day is warm, and walking generates its own warmth. It is a long straight wide road. Pass the sons old school.

The small post office was a busy place, with pallets full of packages everywhere. They received the yellow note and asked for an identification document. The parcel was there and that is the end of that saga. 

It is now a warm day, the jacket and the hoodie over the shirt are just too much.

Pass by the grocery store, and buy some bread and cheese and a bottle of wine. On the rest of the walk home receive a phone call, a man will be coming by to buy a print. That is nice, except for the fact that he managed to reduce the price to the point where custom like his would leave a business man broke.

His visit later on is pleasant enough, print out his poster and then allow an invitation to a cup of coffee in the chocolate bar around the corner. Chat with him and his wife.

Then go home, and all is done.

Finish the little book about the exhibition in Dublin, and send the files off to the printers. It is fascinating how things work online nowadays. So fast and easy.

Now it will be time to load yesterday's pictures into the computer.

to end the day

 The cat made a morning fuss as is usual. Got up and showered. Returned downstairs and saw the place under the chair in the corner where the cat had been sick last night. The sound of the cat vomiting had not been a nightmare after all.

Made coffee and drank the pot dry. It was nine o'clock, so there was time to go to the post office and to collect the package. Took the yellow slip and went to the post office, luckily only ten minutes away. The friendly woman at the counter said that it had been returned to the delivery service. Went back home, and used some paper towels to wipe up the cats leavings. Used a scrubbing brush and some floor cleaner to finish the job.

Used the vacuum cleaner on a part of the bedroom floor, there were cat hairs and bits and pieces and crumbs and things. All gone now, sucked up by Mr. Miele.

Packed the camera and went to the bus stop. Took the first bus to the railway station. Had a roll and a cup of coffee waiting for the train.

Read a book on the mobile phone whilst driving in to Munich. It was relaxing to read a novel again. The book was "Armadillo" by William Boyd. It was a pleasant read.

Used the underground rail system in Munich to get to the house of the photographer friend.

Sat down there and had a glass of water and chatted. It was his birthday. the present would be a few pictures of his party.

The day was spent in his garden, a garden party, socialising and talking to his friends

His three daughters were a centre of attraction, he is very proud of them.

In the evening he left his friend at the railway station.

It is now twenty to midnight, the train journey is over, these notes have been made and a glass or two of wine has been drunk to end the day.

quiet

 short post, it is late. The day was spent trying to make a book of photographs. It almost succeeded. There was a short walk this morning , to the cafe for a cup pf coffee and a roll. The artist came by on a visit, he now has a bandage over the wound on his forehead. But he will recover to drink again another day.

The cat is persistent and insatiable.

And now, in the night, go to the pub for a drink, solitary.  The pub is pleasantly quiet.

It is all just too bad.

 Strange things happened this morning.The party after the reading went on until two, when it turned out that there was a key to the studio missing. Agreed to stay on until the end to lock up the studio.

A small flock of young people came into the studio, they played guitars and some smoked dope. Hash is legal now in small quantities.

At two thirty it was time to go home. Turned off all of the lights and locked the doors.

On the way to the bridge the artist wheeled his bicycle. He seemed to be having motor difficulties coupled with an unusual lack of stability. At the point by the river where separate ways were usually taken, saw that he was in considerable difficulties. Took his bicycle and walked with him to the traffic junction at the bridge. He took his bike and fell over it. Suggested forcefully that he was barely able to walk and simply not able to ride a bike. Offered to wheel the bike and keep him company to the bridge by the power plant.

He agreed.

Once there he took his bike and somehow entangled himself in it and both of them fell down. Pointed out to him that if this had been a wrestling match then the bike would now have won. A passer by asked if help was needed, but thanked him and said no. At this point it was clear that he would have to use his feet to go home and allow his bicycle to be wheeled. Just before the main road he lost his balance and in a sort of staggering run ran out to the middle of the road and sprawled there with his face on the tarmac surface. His glasses were on the road. Picked up the  glasses and then realised that the man was unconscious and snoring loudly. This was in the middle of major road, incredibly busy during the day. There is no traffic there at three in the morning. This is lucky. Two young male persons come by and ask whether or not the man is drunk. Say that he is. They look doubtful and then move on.

He returns to consciousness and help him stand. He asks where he is. Tell him that he is nearly home. He agrees, and we go there.

His friend answers the doorbell. She is worried and really quite annoyed. Lock up his bicycle in front of his doorway.

On the way home realise that his glasses are still in the coat pocket. Return with the glasses, give them to his friend, and then walk home to arrive at half past three.

Get up at ten and dress, go to the post office to collect the package. Upon arrival see that there is a note on the heavy metal roller blind. It says that the post office is closed today.

It is all just too bad.

spent indoors

Now it is the morning of the fifteenth and this evening there will be a reading by the author in the front part of the artists studio.The writer, the author,  is the man who practises on the saxophone there every day. He and his wife are so nervous that they set the room up the day before yesterday. This means that the room has been completely blocked for the last two days, and it will take them another two before they have the things cleared out again.

Oh well, not having to pay for the space there is nothing for this person to complain about. It is just irritating, that is all.

This morning awakening was early, and a few jobs around the flat were done. A few more pictures have been edited. that is fine as well. 

It is ten now, and the wife has just gone off to work or something else. She does not talk much, in fact she does not talk to her husband at all.

Perhaps a short walk is in order, to avoid a repeat of yesterday. Yesterday was so bad, all day was spent indoors. 

be healthier

 The cat was awake and insistent early, felt fine so got up and fed her, made breakfast and started work on the pictures for the book on the show in Dublin. And then before ten, collapsed back into bed and slept until midday. There is no real reason as to why this happened, perhaps last night was too late.

Spent much of the rest of  the day reading, and playing a game on the computer. It was impossible to concentrate on anything really.

In the evening went to the studio and worked for the artist for a few hours. A young woman paid a visit, that was pleasant. She posed her hand so that the artist could model it. As the piece he is working on is a depiction of a female humanoid his own hands were to rough and muscular .

Went hoe early, perhaps things could just be healthier.

the dreariness of the day

 It is late again. In the late morning a short walk was taken to the studio to tidy things up a bit. The saxophone player was there, playing his instrument. He is an old man. We say hello, exchange some small talk. 

The artist must have been working last night. He has succeeded in breaking the thumb off his statue yet again. This means that it will have to be stuck on again. That is something to do later, perhaps this evening.

Tidying does not take long, and keep up the walk to the railway station. Sit there and have a cup of Yorma's infamous Togo coffee. Hot and with a note of cardboard.

Watch the goods trains shunting through the station. For some reason there appear to be more goods trains than usual. Perhaps it has something to do with the dry weather,  the traffic on the Rhine and the Danube and the other rivers and canals is all having problems.

Walk on through town, walk through an area seldom visited. There are many houses there from the thirties, and very ugly buildings from the fifties and sixties. Finally go to the supermarket and do some shopping.

Return home, and feed the insatiable cat.

Then rearrange the computers so that both of them are in the warm room. Settle down to arrange the pictures taken in Ireland. The calculations for the pages of the projected book are tricky.

Now it is half past nine in the evening, and it will be good to go to the studio soon. A small bit of amateur woodwork, that will do  change the dreariness of the day.

cold weather warm room

 Worked all day on problems with the pictures from Ireland. It is also a difficulty with the cold weather which just makes it difficult to sit down in a cold room and concentrate on working .

It is not comfortable.

The men who fixed the electrical connection for the neighbours house went away yesterday, and today the repair crew came to replace the stones on the pavement. It took some hours, and was very noisy, but the result is perfect. Let us hope that the water people do not tear it all up again next week.

It would be marvellous if the weather just picked up again, and became warmer. 

The cat is not happy either, she does not know what to do or where to go to. The situation in the house is just unpleasant, and the animal is concerned,

The wife has left the house this evening, and the cat is howling in the passageway.

Let her in, and she goes directly to her food bowl.

Give her some food, and she purrs whilst eating.

Perhaps the computer will have to temporarily come into the warm room tomorrow.

be active

 Fed the cat and took a walk

The feeling of the cold will not go away even as it is getting warmer. It is strange, but this feeling was not there during the stay in Dublin.

The pictures are all edited and spotten. The electricity was turned off and now it is turned back on.

And a small afternoon nap was held. Now the house is vibrating in time to the crew outside repairing the road after the electricity people had opened it.

Perhaps it would be a good idea to go to the studio and sharpen a few chisels. This would be just to be active.

to bed early

 After finding the correct cable to connect the mobile 'phone to the car's cigarette lighter drive the vehicle to the Munich photographers home. Upon arrival the man says that he would rather drive the rest of the journey himself. This is fine, it is no problem.

After a cup of coffee and some small white boiled Munich sausages be driven to the home of a photographer who now lives near the Ammersee. She has a piece of equipment to give away.

Upon arrival there and once introductions are made help the elderly people in dismantling the photographic enlarger. Stow it in the car. It is a beautiful piece of equipment.

Spend the rest of the hot afternoon in a cafe' with the people. The munich photographer talks incessantly. He is a chatterbox.

Eventually be driven back to Munich. Reassemble the enlarger in the man's basement.

Then have an evening meal of coffee and cake. It is all very nice.

Drive home slowly, there is no hurry and there is no point in wasting petrol.

Go to bed early.

Awaken after a late night.

 The cat woke the human, she was hungry. The cat called insistently from the next room, probably expecting the tins to spontaneously jump of the shelving and to provide her with food.

Get up, and the cat hears these sounds. She comes in to the room carefully and makes her demands in much the same tone.

Get up and provide her with food. Then go upstairs and have a shower.

Upon the return realise that the cat has finished her food and would like some more. Give her another spoonful, she shuts up whilst she is eating.

Make breakfast, poached eggs on toast. Two eggs, this is probably more than the healthy people recommend. But their recommendations are mostly based on assumptions founded on shaky understanding. It does not necessarily mean that they are wrong. Abbot Mendel had a good and obedient gardner.

Lie down for another hour. Then get up, the cat hears this and enters carefully, She does not want to be petted. She wants more food.

Put on the day clothes and feed the cat. yet again.

Make another pot of coffee.

Tidy up the work table, and finish tidying the remainder of the holiday in Ireland.

It is midday, and time to go to the photographic gallery for a cup of coffee.

the morning of the ninth

 It is late and tiredness has set in.

There were men from the electricity works outside the door digging a hole. Five men lookuing into a hole in the footpath, one driving a digger and another in the hole with a shovel,

They say there is a fault in the electricity system and that there will be no electricity on Monday morning.

Edit the pictureres all day. There is dust on the sensor, that is a mater that will need to be attended to.

In the afternoon the artists friend comes and invites for coffee in a café.

That was pleasant. Edit the pictures for the rest of the day.

In the evening the artist and his friend come by. Drive to the studio and work on the figure. There is a lot to be done, the artist has been busy. The friend of the artist practices her saxophone. She is good , her playing sounds good.

  

And by the time it is all over, it is half pat one in the morning of the ninth.

Quietly

 The first day at home after an Irish stay, recover from a German rail delay. They had blocked the steps to the railway lines in the airport, there were some maintenance jobs to be done. There were no trains.

A bus drove to Freising, then nearly an hours wait, and a train rolled to Landshut. Then a twenty minute wait and the bus home. The journey from the airport to the house took as long as the flight from Dublin to Munich airport.

Awoke in the morning and took a long long rest, the travelling and the talking of the last few days had taken their toll.

The cat hears the movements and comes in to make demands for food. She receives some, and wants more.

Go out to shop for things and forget to buy cat food.

It is a soft day. Put the clothes into the washing machine, and wash the white shirts separately. Use a soap to clean the sweat from the collars before putting them into the machine.

Start to edit the pictures made in Dublin with a view to making a book.

The day ends as it began

Quietly

In the evening start to read the book given by the  woman who saw the accident in Belmullet, fifty years ago. 

Belmullet seems a nice place

wait

 This is the door to the garden. and this is the hardrn shed. That is the greenhouse in whose cistern the sister drowned sixty-six years ago. The big formal garden is beautiful now and it was beautiful then.

Despite all of the horrors, coming back as the time lengthens.

Sitting

on the steps of the grand old house with a huge black dog. It is a real dog, a huge Newfoundland. It pants all the time, it is built for cooler climates. But it remains there, watching over the stranger sitting on the steps.

The flight will leave in four hours. time to get to the airport.

To pass a securitycheck.

The passports.

take the dog for a walk

 The sound of the alarm, and up at nine. Put on clothes for the day, and forget to  put one accumulator into the camera bag. The matter with the accumulator will be noticed later. Go into the  kitchen and make a cup of coffee. This is the day before last of this stay in Ireland, a stay that may well be the last one.

Drive up to the  brothers and the sister in laws nursery as a passenger in the bus driven by the sister in law. The bus is wide, and it is unpleasant to drive. The job today is to take care of the exhibition .

There are few visitors to the nursery on this Tuesday. It is almost afternoon before a few people come in to look at the exhibits. Some are talkative and some have enquiries. Answer questions and chat.

The day goes by gently and quietly.

In the evening there is a peaceful time alone with the exhibits. The brother returns, and go for a walk to inspect his ram pump. It is working, Scramble up the hill to see the water coming out in bursts.

Lock up the nursery building together with the brother after doing a few small jobs. Carry a small compressor down to the storeroom at the exit to the complex. On the way step on a hosepipe and slip.

That is the way accidents happen, But nothing did happen, apart from lying on the back looking at the high tension wires passing by overhead.

Finish the day by going out and taking the dog for a walk. The face is burning with sunburn all day, it is worse in the evening,

oh dreary me

 The day started in the high room, an easy awakening into the long Irish summer day.

Went downstairs, and then upstairs. The sister in law was in a hurry to go, she left for work.

Alone in the large flat took a shower and felt better. Made a coup of coffee and drank it slowly and happily. Went on up to the nursery, a walk up the narrow roads with high hedges and walls on either side. There is traffic, and take care not to obstruct the cars.

The curator and his architect friend stop and give a lift, this is a coincidence. It saves one hundred yards of walking.

There is not much to do today, except to talk to people. There are people from the West of Ireland who have questions, and want to see the exhibition. There is the local art photographer, a man who is most successful. He makes pictures that are easy to hang on the wall.

There are so many people, and the names are all forgotten. The day is warm and sunny.

The day wears on and a trip is made to the graveyard. The curator looks at the mother's and the sister's grave and asks what D.V.A.S means. The brothers and sons do not know. It was written there by the father, he is dead now too. Drive on to the food store, and buy some sandwiches. Then go on and buy petrol. And then return. Everybody eats the terrible sandwiches, and the Pink Lady apples.

The day is warm and sunny, but as the evening gets longer the air cools and it is chilly

In the evening, help the brother to load some trees onto the a trailer. They are large saplings with big masses of earths around their roots wrapped in sacking.

After the work is done, return to the house

Sleep in the room with the view, put the camera's battery on charge. It is just one hour's sleep, then get up and write these notes, make a quick meal in the kitchen.

The sister in law says that she will be going to work early, and if a lift to the nursery is required it will be necessary to rise earlier.

no way on the third of May

 3rd of May wasa quiet day with a noisy ending.

The first part of  the day was spent in the big house, drank a cup of coffee and was given a lift up to the garden centre by the brothers wife. There was a small amount of work to be done there, setting up a pump, a pump driven by water to raise a small amount of water to a great height. Help the brother with the dragging of pipes and the connections to be made from one pipe to the next. First a pipe was laid as a feed for the pump, and then one was put up the steep slope to the tanks resting there. After a while the pump seemed to work, with water coming out of the pipe in small bursts. The pump was due to work night and day, so that the amount of water would possibly be sufficient.

In the garden centre talk to people and friends from long ago.  Many have come up to see the mothers work on the walls  and on the pedestals of the exhibition space.

In the evening the woman who witnessed the tragedy in Belmullet visited. It was a strange conversation, and a long one. It was possible to part on good terms, she was given a book, a catalogue of the exhibition. In return, received a brochure of the area of Belmullet, in the West of Ireland.

In the evening was driven by a man called  Arthur to a gathering of art people in Laragh in county Wicklow. It was a most international crowd , and it was a fantastic dinner. There was one American woman who promised all kinds of things and an artist who made items made of resin. 

The party went on until midnight, and was driven back to Ballyboden over the Sallygab by a woman who was off to Paris in the coming week.

Walked up the hill to the old house from the gate lodge, and fell asleep in the bed in the high room-

There was no way that this post could be written yesterday so that this late entry will have to do.

small jobs

 The day started in the same room, the so called high room in the old mansion. The room is carefully and tastefully appointed.

Go  a downstairs to the loo, it is two flights down. Return, and put on day clothes. Realise that one of the packed shirts is simply too small. It is short and tight. Change it for a larger one.

Go downstairs again, then go up to the brothers flat. All the young people are up there, all slightly the worse for wear after the night on the town. Have two cups of coffee, and then accept a lift up to the exhibition in the garden centre. Take a few photographs there and speak with the curator. Help the brother with the water flowse water tanks, fetching and carrying pipe fittings.

It is a warm and sunny day.

Eventually, the water flows.

Continue with small jobs in the garden, editing pictures and so forth. Be introduced to people whose names are forgotten instantly.

In the late afternoon join the brother and the architect on their walk up to the tanks.

On the return the architect comments that the other brothers motorbike is parked in the middle of the footpath. Point out that this is one of the methods the other brother uses to assert his presence.

Finish the day in the local pub cum restaurant.

It is very loud with Irish canned music and a hen party in full swing.

50 years ago

 Awaken in the smart room at the top of the house. It is lovely and civilised, and it is comfortable.

It is nine in the morning 

The day is warm, it is hotter hear than in Germany. This is Ireland, it should be raining.

Yesterday evenings opening of the exhibition was a very nice event, the brothers were all there. Many people were there from the childhood long ago, they had all come to see the mothers work. It is fifty years ago now that she died. The exhibition gleans admiration and praise.

People talk who are unknown and not remembered, few are easily recognised.

There are serious cases of panic, and the dead sister is remembered. That was now over sixty-six years ago.

Slept after driving home following a man on an electrical scooter. For fear of knocking him down it was not possible to pass him.

The day was spent minding the exhibition in the nursery. It was a hot and pleasant day.

The water for the garden dried up because of a broken pump. Later in the evening it was repaired.

The plants could be watered.

In the show six pictures were sold.

And a letter was written to the woman who sam the mother drown, fifty years ago.

motorway

 Recovered from the depths of sleep in the small room in the grand house near Dublin. The evening was pleasant, the time here is pleasant. Yesterday evening was spent trying to help the brother with the laying of a pipe for an irrigation system. The efforts were not crowned with success, not really. It was hard to lay the pipe without causing air locks. These bubbles of air in the unevenly laid pipe led to a the water flowing or only dripping intermittently.

Recovered from the night and found the toothbrush. Cleaned the teeth. Went up to the brothers flat and met up with his daughter and all the other young people. Had a cup of coffee for breakfast, there was not much else to have.

The  rooms in the upper story of the big house are filled with light, the wide landscape and the city of Dublin is visible through the big windows. In the other direction there is a view of the outhouses and the small park.

The peace and quiet are disturbed by the steady noise from the new motorway near by.

cat in the Dublin mountains

The day was spent in the brothers nursery talking to an Indian curator and his Irish assistant. Part of the time was spent painting the plinths for the exhibition of the mothers work that will be opened tomorrow night. There are pleasant arty people to talk to and some that are just arty.

The sun shines all day.

In the evening assist the brother with repairing the water supply for his irrigation system. It is a strange system, it takes water from a stream and stores it in tanks holding ten thousand litres each.  The whole procedure has to be repeated several times until each fault has been found . It is ten in the evening by the time the work is well finished.

The first day of holidays in Ireland is finished. The hands are covered in sheep shit from handling the plastic pipes laid across the field.

In the night a cat approaches walking along the road. The brother stops the car and telephones to a neighbour who has lost such a cat. It might be the cat or it might just be a similar one.

It is hard to tell

The attendant agrees., back in Dublin

 Awakening at six proved easy, woke half an hour before the hour quite spontaneously. There was even time to take a shower and to make coffee before the alarm clock sounded. There was no sense of tiredness at all. Took the three pills as per doctors orders, and double checked the items that should come on the journey. A mishap nearly occurred closing the tiny suitcase, it seemed as if the zipper was about to break. There should be no need to open it before reaching Dublin, hopefully it will close again and last for the return journey. 

At the bus stop stand and wait and watch the cars go by. There are so many huge cars now, there is hardly such a thing as a small car any more. Arrive at the station, and board the train after waiting ten minutes for the delayed train to clear the platform. On board the train realise that this is the train that stops at every station on the route. The constant stopping and starting is tiring. A man boards using a walking aid. Give up the seat for him, the woman accompanying him says thank you.

The advantage of this train is that it goes directly to the airport, there are no connections to miss,

The security check is uneventful and fast. The bags with all the cameras in them take longer, but this is usual. Step aside to put the watch on and to thread the belt back through the loops on the trousers.

All of this efficiency led to arriving at the gate much earlier than expected. Watched as the flight to AbuDhabi was boarded, and then just waited and waited.

Finally, the announcement came that the gates for the Dublin flight would be opened.

Let all the people go by, then join the last few. The fancy electronic boarding card does not work. It worked all the time whilst waiting, and now there is just advertisment.

It is good that there is a printed copy of the document in the camera bag.

Say "old school is best"

The attendant agrees.

The journey through Dublin is pleasant on the top storey of a Dublin bus. See all the old haunts, now changed.

Arrive in Ballyboden.

An intern from the brothers business plays taxi over r the last few miles.

It is good to see the brother again and all the mother's drawings.

midnight soon

 Now it is twenty five past eleven at night, and you have been forgotten again. You who reads this.

The day was spent so quietly, editing last nights pictures and packing things for tomorrows journey.

The cat loves freshly washed clothing in open suitcases. The clothes for Ireland are hairy now.h

Walked through town twice, and was able to have the credit card reset. The whole exercise worked. 

Was so busy today that a major bout of irritation reminded that no food had been taken today. A big plate of spaghetti with readymade hot tomato sauce and grated cheese fixed that.

The pictures finished were sent on to doctor Linda and John the scot. Each with his own pictures, and the advice that they could share them if they wanted.

The bag was packed.

Going to bed, the last thing was remembered. A pyjamas had to be packed as well. Being in a hotel with no pyjamas is no problem, it is more difficult in private accommodation were everything is not en suite.

And now it will be midnight soon.

yesterdays post never happened, it will be augmented. completed on the 27th of April

 So much happened yesterday, that the entries were forgotten. This will be completed later today..... Much too tired now to do anything about it.

It is now nine in the morning, yesterday started at seven. The bus from the stop in front of the theater drove to the railway station, where two people in mauve uniforms informed that the train had been cancelled but that a bus was available. Following their directions got noto a very long mauve bus. The bus drove all the way to Plattling with stops at all the other stations on the way. The bus had one passenger and one driver. The following bus had only its driver.

In the railway station at Plattling noticed that the train that had left Landshut one hour after the bus would be there in five minutes. It is not surprising that nobody had any interest in the mauve busses.

Arrived in Vilshofen and met the collector. He was working in the library, doing a form of voluntary service. Exchanged a few words, then walked up the small street between the main street and the river Danube to a small café. The café is pleasant, enjoyed a piece of cake and a cup of coffee.

Afterwards, went to the collectors house and met him there. We took a walk to a local flea market. A woman sold a small glass-fronted box for two Euros, and bought three old chisels for three Euros apiece. The chisels were of a good brand but woefully blunt.

Spent the afternoon chatting with the collector over coffee and cake.

Then took the train back to Landshut, avoiding the mauve busses.

In Landshut, greet the son who has several things to do in the town.

Attended a concert in the local pub, taking a few pictures whilst there.  Experienced a singer from Scotland who sang well and clearly. Hers was the best vocal performance ever heard in the pub.

After chatting in the pub took a walk to the artists studio. Left the chisels with him, and showed him how to sharpen the scrapers, so that he would be able to use them during the coming week.

end of the street

 The day started mildly, sound sleep again, and that is something to be thankful for. The cat is in mock starvation mode, and is noisy and insistent. Feed the animal once, and then by the second time stay and make something to eat for breakfast. Read the news, there is not much happening this Saturday. 

The general tiredness and laziness is causing difficulties, how can the few things be done that need doing before the journey to Ireland starts?

At one go out to the gallery, attend the chat in the Italian restaurant. The Italians are impatient, they want eating guests and not just those who have a single drink. But that is simply the way it is, have a cup of coffee  and leave after a while.

A wasp is on the hat to the gallery owner, he had kept it in the cool area at the back of the gallery. Out in the sun, the insect came to life, and took to the air.

Returned home and watered the plants in the yard. Took the two buckets of biological waste out and disposed of them in the bins placed at the end of the street.

fuss

 Due to the relatively early night last night woke relatively early after a long sleep. The cat is upstairs, silence is blissful. Make breakfast and then take the pills. Have a rest for half an hour.

There are small things to be done, things to be arranged.

Spend an hour playing risk, read the news. America is doing poorly, despite all its power. Old allies are looking for new friends.

Went to the bank and mixed up the cards. Because the corporate identity for both types of card is similar, succeeded in confusing the pin numbers. Now it will be necessary to go to the bank to have the number reactivated.

Go to the café to huave a quiet cup of coffee. There is a man in the café talking unnecessarily loudly in some Balkan language. This is misery. Why shout in a silent café?

Go to the barber, the man talks incessantly. He is not a good listener. The more talks, the more he cuts. The hair is now really short. 

Oh well, hair grows back.

Drive the car to the party in the evening. An art space is being opened with a hope of success. It is in a suburb of Landshut, a small place outside a small town.

Leave after an hour and go home. Have enormous trouble finding a parking spot, and then go indoors and make a few test prints.

They work well.

And now the cat is outside the door, making a fuss.

dry time

 This morning the cat is respectful, and comes into the room shyly at nine. She makes polite noises that she would appreciate food if it were at all possible. What is wrong with the animal? There is no knowing this, perhaps it is just a new tactic. Insofar as that she gets fed, it works.

Get up and get dressed. Start to sort the clothes into a black pile and a coloured pile. The coloured pile includes the white things.

Bring them all upstairs to the bathroom where the washing machine and the dryer are. Empty the things out of the washing machine, the wife seems to have forgotten them. Fill the washing machine with the the black things and put washing powder into the tray. Start the machine, and then go upstairs. There are clothes up there, find a pair of clean trousers. Go back downstairs and change into the clean things. Put the jeans into the box with the coloured trousers. Set the timer for an hour.

Wipe the floor in the downstairs kitchen. Over the past week it has become rather dirty.

Read the newspapers. Listen to the news, realise that Europe is now going to have to provide for its own security. This is probably a good thing, it is surely better than having to rely on partners that change their minds every few years. 

After an hour the washing is done. Put the damp things into the dryer and fill the washing machine with the coloured clothes. Start both machines. Go downstairs and set the timer for two hours. That will be the time that the dryer needs.

y not

 For some unspeakable reason woke at six in the morning. Not even the cat was awake. Tried to continue sleeping, but it just would not work. The mind was a fog, the body tired and the legs felt cold. After a short while went upstairs for a shower, and watered the plants on the top floor with a small watering can. Then, downstairs again, fed the cat and made a cup of coffee. Solved the Wordle puzzle.

Then got back into bed to warm up. The legs were uncomfortably cold.

Towards the end of the morning went out and did some shopping, a small amount of food for the pantry, The cat is begging constantly. It is almost as if her demands for food are making her angry.

On returning from the shops meet the neighbour who has accepted a package from the postman. It is the postcards that were printed as a second attempt. The results are better, they have been printed using the correct icc profile. They no longer have a pronounced red cast. They are slightly darker too.

Leave the cat in the shop, basking in the early afternoon sun that is shining in through the window, and go to the artists studio.

Tidy up the photographic gear, and show the pictures to the landlord of the pub. The barkeeper is fascinated, he wants to keep a picture.

That is nice.

There is no wish to do photographic work in the gallery. It is just this strange tiredness that will not go away.

Lie down on the couch and rest for a while. Then there are people who would like a guided tour of the studio.

Why not?

In that order!

 Yesterday ended early today, so today started late. The morning was started by the sound of a doorbell. Went to the door, to see what was going on, but there was no one there. The sound may have been the mistaken interpretation of the noise a plumber made  working on a neighbours house. The ringing sound he makes working on his pipes is a bit like the doorbell.

Put on the coffee, boil water for the poached eggs, put bread into the toaster. It will be midday soon, this is late breakfast.

Now it is five past one, and it will be time to go to the studio to set up the gear for the pictures of the sculptures this evening and tomorrow.

There is a sound outside, the cat maybe? Go to the door, and realise that it was a child on the street. The wife has probably locked the cat in upstairs, the wife being possessive and perhaps wishing to be the centre of the cats world. The centre of the cats world is food and warmth and attention.

In that order!

There is an email to write to the brother, and then to leave the house.

evening work

 The cat is a persistent beggar and complainer. She keeps the pressure up until she gets more of what she wants. It is an unclear addiction, for she is the opposite of thin. The day drags a bit, take the camera bags to the artists studio, meet the author there. He is practicing on his saxophone, he gets the tones right. The tones seem to be his principal concern.

He plays the prisoners choir on the mouth organ too, with lots of vibrato.

Return the car, find that the parking spot is now gone. After some searching, find a vacant spot nearby. Have a short conversation with a traffic warden. She gives assurance that the spot is legal.

Back at home feed the cat. An order comes from the brother, he wants pictures taken over nineteen years ago. It is surprisingly easy to find the pictures. It is also noticeable that the technical quality of the digital cameras then was not nearly as good as it is today.

Spend a lot of time listening to the radio.  The tiredness will not let go. The weather is now warmer, but the cold feeling will not let go. It is disturbing.

Now it is evening.

A trip to the studio is in order, to set up the next pictures.

depressing Sunday.

 Morning was bad, with the cat complaining and the cold gnawing. Get up early ones, for the bathroom on the one hand and to mollify the cat on the other. Leave the cat happily slurping its food, purring as it eats. Childhood etiquette mandated not to talk with the mouth full, that does not apply to purring and cats.

The mollification factor was short-lived. The cat started again. Made a breakfast as always, but it was not enough to counter the tiredness. The depressive effect of not having anybody to  talk to and no reflection for the thoughts only made thing worse.

Later take a break and read things on the computer. The news of the aggressive president with his childish announcements is depressing. His incompetence in international affairs when compared to his predecessors is very visible, even to those who know little about diplomacy.

Pack the equipment in order to bring it to the studio. Discover that the entire street has been filled with parking cars, all of them guests of the spring fair in the town.

The constant feeling of being cold will not go away. Sometimes the overheated artists studio is a relief. Take a walk around town, do not go to the studio. It is a place of work and not a home for older bones.

Buy a Kebab at one of the fast food stores in town. It is not especially good, but it is filling. Eat it down by the river, on a bench in the sun. Afterwards have a cup of coffee in a café.

Back at home, a famished sounding greeting from the fat feline. Give her a small amount of food from the now-empty small tin.

Lie down for a short while.

Now it is time to get up and to write these notes. There is no knowing what tomorrow may bring.

The sensation that the walls are closing in is replaced by the sense that the sky is coming down.

the pub again, the lost post that turned up in the drafts for the fifteenth of this month. sorry about that

 The work on the figure in the artists studio went on until early this morning. It is reaching a s

tage where the end is in sight. The work on that figure has gone on too long. Being able to watch the man working with the wood, and being able to help out with the finishing of the surfaces has been most interesting

At home again, early this morning, read a few notes on the computer and went to bed.

Getting up before eleven proved impossible..

Spent the whole of the afternoon doing prepress work. 

And now it is the evening again.

There is a wish to make these notes in greater detail, perhaps it would be an idea to write them on paper again.

This evening there is a chance to go out to the pub for a drink.

cat and plants

 It is twelve minutes past twelve, the cat started the day with a vociferous announcement regarding her desire for food. After having gone to bed around two o'clock in the morning these announcements were unwanted at half past six that same morning.

Got up, put a dollop of food on the plate.

Back to bed again, feeling all the pains induced by yesterdays walk and last nights work. The work modelling the figures in wood is strange. The sculptors chisels will not leave a smooth surface, the use of scrapers removes the chisel markers. Because the artist has ruined the joints on his thumbs he is not able to do this work himself. So it is possible and maybe necessary to help out. The experience informs of the nature of wooden surfaces and their varied reactions to mechanical treatment.

The cat, dissatisfied, interrupts the sleep again, this time by knocking the cat food tins off the shelf where they are kept. Her measures are ineffective, the tins remain sealed. Give her another dollop, and tidy up the tins.

Prepare breakfast, it is ten in the morning. Go upstairs, take a shower. Forget to water the plants.

Downstairs again, clear up the breakfast, and wonder where the cat is.

There is a sound from above, and the overfed animal leaps from the top shelf in the tiny kitchen onto the worktop and then to the floor.
The animal does not give up easily.

Make another cup of coffee, and turn on the radio. It is a warm day out, fresh air comes in through the open window.

It is now nearly half past twelve, there will be time to finish the coffee and to wash up the dishes.

Maybe even to water the plants.

pleasant

 sitting in a park under the trees near the castle. A man dressed in black, just walked by. He was carrying a a small small blue suck on his back.

Otherwise, it is silent and warm in the park. Last night was very late. Progress has been made on the sculpture, the artist has expressed gratitude for the help cleaning up the cleaning up the markings made by his chisel. Arrive home at one this morning and after playing Wordle for today go to bed. The cat was up to greet it's owner and commence begging at once. It was given a spoonful of food. Woke up this morning having slept poorly, made breakfast and fed the cat. Read the news and checked on the bank account. The news was bad and the bank account could be better

Lay down and slept for a while. It is early afternoon and the park is very pleasant. 

short late lazy

 It is now eleven at night, the artist is working at his statue.

Today was a day with a long walk, It was pleasant until the legs started to hurt.

Today was boring, otherwise. 

There will have to be more detaiils in future, now it is late.

This is all not entirely normal.

 Awakened early, rest a short while, and then get up to go to the bathroom. Hear the cat at the door from the passageway, and let her in to the shop areal. She growls a greeting and walks in a decisive straight line to the small kitchen area. She looks at the empty plate on the plastic tray and growls again, then she looks up, makes a cat sound and then opens her mouth wide and makes a noise that might be spelt as "WAH". Cat speak for "food on the plate please". Open the plastic container that keeps the food more or less fresh and take out a spoonful. Put the spoon full of food onto the plate. Without further ado the cat commences feeding.

Make coffee and eggs, and risk opening one of the avocados. The avocados are bought hard, and take a few days to soften.

The avocado is all right, it is just soft. The toast pops out of the toaster.

This is the morning meal.

Sit down at the computer, and read about the success of democracy in Hungary, and the failure of the north american states under their insane president to admit a loss. They have destroyed a working system to no ones advantage. They have even lost control of the oil pricing, of which they are the biggest producer of all.  

The worlds madness does not stop the cat jumping upon the knees and purring away contendedly.

After finishing the reading get up and realise that the legs below the waist feel icy cold. Getting up makes the head swim, a dizzy feeling .

Go to the bed, lie down, cover the legs. They are warm now, but still feel really cold.

Fall asleep.

Wake at midday, hear the wife upstairs stamping around. This is a strangely threatening noise.

It is midday now, get up and get dressed. Never mind the cold legs, it must be a poor circulation as befits an old man. A walk to the shops might help. Resolve to take a longer walk, down by the river. There is a supermarket there as well.

This is all not entirely normal.

It did not.

 Yesterday was Monday the thirteenth,  and the news that democracy succeeded in Hungary was good news. Perhaps the path is hard going forward, but at least there is a change.

The man allows pictures of himself as a holy figure and attacks religious leaders.It is problematic. It is in character.

Yesterday ended two hours ago with the assembly of the wooden sculpture in the artist's studio. It is good that this has now been accomplished.

Completely forgotten was this entry, which should have taken place earlier yesterday.

It did not.

in question.

 A deeply depressing day, just spent being depressed and upset, letting the time slide by.

The time is gone now, and nothing has been achieved,

The cat spent the day begging for food, and now she is locked into the upstairs flat. She may beg the wife for food when the wife returns from whatever activities she has been pursuing.

A call from the woman in the elderly couple, the husband is recovering from his serious bout of illness. Now in modern times the illness is not as serious as it used to be.

Remain indoors, there is just no wish to leave the building.

Telephone the friend who was going to come on a visit tomorrow. That is not going to work out either, This is all just depressing now.

Perhaps a visit to the studio will help. At least this would be a reason to leave the house and a place to go to. Even if that relationship is based on a misunderstanding. Today is the day that everything is to be questioned..

Read the news, disasters everywhere.

ninth hour

 Standing in the tiny kitchen in the morning prepare the spoonful of food for the cat. The son likes to refer to her as "the animal", She is insistent, a purring growl followed by an open-mouthed hissy growl. Always the same, she wants food. It is doubtful whether or not she is hungry, she being a quite well-padded animal.

The cat has been given the name Miriam, she seems to recognise it.

Make coffee and two poached eggs. They are to feed this human. The coffee is a cheap variety known as "Unsere Beste". It is not really much good at all. It is an unsure beast.

Read the news. There are now two major wars of aggression in the world, one by Russia and one by the United States of America. Both are bombing the civilian population of their opponents, and both are not winning their war. 

Finish the breakfast. There is endless amounts of reading material there. This is interesting, but not so important.

Take a shower, get dressed.

Attend the weekly meeting at the gallery. It is not especially interesting.

Go home and lie down. There is an immense feeling of laziness and depression.

Last night's work at the artist's studio was successful. He went out and bought an electric planer just before the shops closed. This was a cheap, simple and small device that could be set up on a table and the wood to be planed passed over it. This worked quite well, and now the sculpture is almost ready for reassembly, all the areas that need to be glued are flat and dry.

The work will be finished tonight.

get on with it

 There were many things done last night, not all of them good. Due to four hands working at one thing, a part of the sculpture broke. It will need to be remade this evening. It is a setback for the artist.

This mornings early awakening was kept under control. The impulse to get up and to start making breakfast was held back. Stayed in bed until dawn was well and truly past.

The day outside is rainy and cold, just as the weather forecast had predicted. Stay indoors, look at the tax documents and read a bit. Stay away from playing the Risk- like game on the computer, that wastes too much time.

Work out a method to repair the damage to the sculpture. This can be suggested to the artist later. 

A parcel arrived containing a new kitchen knife from China. The knife is incredibly sharp. Test it on a couple of potatoes, slicing them easily and quickly. Put some oil into a pan and fry them, a sort of a quick snack. They are tasty. The knife will prove useful for other things by the bye. The old kitchen knife is cheap and blunt. Perhaps there will be a method to sharpen it soon.

It is very easy to become distracted whilst doing things like tax returns.

It is now twenty to five, and the son has left for Bayreuth to get on with his studies.

change

 There is just three minutes time for this , maybe more later.

Went to Regensburg as a tourist today, and walked about admiring the old buildings and the young people.

A change is as good as a rest

cold coffee

 Taking a seat in a cafe in the middle of the day.

 Today started with morning laziness, after spending yesterday evening playing a game derived from Risk on the computer. It is astonishing that there is no peaceful exit from that game.

Spent the early part of today working on the preparations for the tax returns. Make progress.

The day is pleasantly warm, go to the car and put a few items into the back of the vehicle. Yesterdays installation of the cheap batterY seems to work. That is satisfactory.

Now it is time to finish the coffee before it gets cold.

lazy again

 Woke up early, had a shower, and then went to the doctors practice. That examination did not take long, afterward went to the shops. 

The postman arrived with the small package of cards that had been ordered for the artist. They seem cleanly done, the colour is slightly red.

At home later decided to take the car. The battery was flat again, started it with the little power pack. Decided to buy a new battery from the super discount store, Found a battery there to suit, and upon returning to the car released that the old battery was flat again. Used the small device again, and stowed the battery on the floor of the passenger side of the car. Took the car back home and with some trouble installed the new battery. The fixing screw had become rusty. Returned the old battery to the store and had the deposit returned. On the way home bought a few dowelling rods and a  plastic box at the hardware store. Dropped the rods and the cards off at the artists studio.

Returned home and was lazy for the rest of the day.

Sorry about that

 Thats it, the last three hours of the day spent on the computer, time flew, and now it is too late to even write a sensible post.

Sorry about that

cat complaint

 Wake up, there is nothing wrong. Have a shower, and  on the way to the upstairs bathroom see that the cat has been locked into the upstairs flat. She shares a disgusted glance and rushes downstairs to the shop, probably to see if there is any food there. Have a shower, and go back downstairs.

Eat breakfast, get dressed, feed the cat. The correct order is different, but these things were done. Read the news.

Overcome by tiredness, lie down again. The weather outside is very nice, but that is immaterial.

The brother is on the phone, we talk for an hour. He is well, his work is progressing. Do not talk of all these personal illnesses, these are not his.

Early afternoon go for a walk. It is no fun, moving quickly is difficult, distances seem much greater. Take a circuitous route to the studio, look inside, and find it depressing. Stay outside in the beer garden and finish a cup of coffee. Eventually, everything just hurts too much, walk home. The walk is the longest taken in a long time.

Feed the complaining cat, and lie down.

Wake in the evening, everything is sore, and the cat complains again

influenza maybe

 The radio controlled clock on the table shows the wrong time. It is an hour off. It failed to connect to its transmitter, and is just staying calm and carrying on. There is poor coverage in the house here, people with mobile 'phones are regularly cut off.

There is not much there for breakfast, but make a cup of coffee and have some toast.

Deal with retouching the pictures taken yesterday, some of them are in order and some are embarrassingly bad. Errors will happen, but this was almost serious.

On the way to the shops realise that the legs feel strange, they feel weak. Try walking faster, but that does not change the feeling.

Neither does walking more slowly.

Go upstairs to the shoe shop and collect the insoles for the shoes. The people are very friendly, and the amount of paper wasted during the bureaucratic procedure is astonishing.

After returning with the shopping have a conversation with the son, and then go on to the meeting in the gallery. This is a strange event, with some talk of politics.

After drinking a cup of coffee go home. Meanwhile, it is not just the feet that feel strange. Print out the pictures, and lie down for a few minutes. 

Wake up later feeling very cold, despite the fact that the room is comfortably warm. Stand up and feel dizzy.

This is probably the 'flu. 

Write these notes, and plan to lie down again.

later later

 Woke up and settled down to work. It was far too early, but there are unpleasant things that need to be done. The pictures taken at the party last night have to be finished, and the work on the  tax return has to be seriously started. There will be several killer tax bills like the last one before all of this is settled.

Work all day at the computer, ignore the weather and speak to nobody. Hear the sounds from upstairs, people are moving about, ignore them.

Last night was entertaining. The artist became somewhat maudlin, ignored it all, he was trying to impress a woman. She was impressed already, but not quite in the way that he wanted.

The pictures are a success, as are the ones from Regensburg, the Regensburg pictures being nothing other than snapshots of the city.

After working all day it is evening now. There will be a second session this evening and then it can be hoped that there will never be such a job again, or if not never, not for a long time.

Now it is half past six in the evening, the house is to be left at half past seven, hopefully all things will work out well later this evening.

cold and then warm

 The day was miserable, the legs all icy cold despite the heat in the room being on. It is cold outside.

Maybe it is all down to laziness and depression.

In the evening remembered a job to takea picture inthe pub at the studio. Walk to the studio. 

There is a friendly reception from the landlord and a glass of beer.

After the kilometres walk the legs have warmed up./

Maybe more exercise, despite tiredness, would be good

tampering with time is an unproductive thing

The cat made nothing but persistent noises this morning. Until it was fed by this human who did not feel human at all at seven this morning. That did not prevent the cat from starting again half an hour later. Made a cup of coffee, it the hope that the brew would waken the old body. It did not. The attempt was a failure. The cat left no peace. Put her out into the corridor, and went back to bed.

Managed to get more sleep, again this business becomes apparent where sleep does not come at night the way it should, but during the day.

Organise the train ticket and see that it will be necessary to take a train to Regensburg in the early afternoon. The two ceramicists were kind enough to send an invitation to their exhibition opening today.

Talk to the son, then take the bus to the railway station. After that take the train to Regensburg, and take the short walk into the city. Regensburg is a very pretty town, there was little destruction during the second world war. Walk down to the Danube and take a look at a museum there. The show is highly overproduced, but there is very little to actually see in there. There are a lot of interactive displays, and endless timelines and other graphics.

Wander around town, go to a café and have a small bite to eat.

Go to the opening at half past six. It is very well attended. It is a tiny gallery. Enjoy a glass of wine, and a chat, and then leave after an hour.

Tiredness sets in again on the return trip to Landshut, and it is nearly dark upon arrival there. 

The tampering with time is an unproductive thing,

no time, time wasted

 The day has finished with the commencement of the work on the tax documents for this year. This day did not have much going for it. Last night was spent at the studio, working on finishing the surfaces on one of the works. The artist himself is no longer entirely capable of doing this work himself, due to arthritis in his thumbs. It is good and interesting to be able to help out. Perhaps it furthers the personal understanding of the work of a sculptor using wood.

But it was late, and upon returning home drank a few glasses of wine to calm the spirit. This worked so well that awakening in the morning turned out to be almost a complete failure.

It is good to sleep well, but the day is disordered as a result.

Wander about the town for an hour, and have one very disappointing cup of coffee.

And in the evening settle down to the problem of preparing the tax documents for the accountant.

There will probably be not time for the work in the studio this evening.

cost question

 Now it is seven twenty six in the morning, the cat has had a small feed and is now outside doing its cat business. Decide to have only one egg for breakfast today, the jam for the second slice of toast has run out, try using the peanut butter which had been forgotten. The top layer of the plastic jars content are oxidised a slightly darker brown than the rest of the butter, but that does not affect the taste.

Reading the news chance to look at the illustration of the ballroom beside the American white house. It is a badly planned monstrosity. Read about the war in Iran, this seems to be much the same, except that there appears to be no exit.

After that, took the pills. Perhaps there will be a need to speak with the doctor, the dizziness and tiredness after taking the blood pressure reducing medicine is surely not normal.

Made the print for the woman who wanted that particular picture, and after a chat with the son left the house. Brought the picture to the young woman place of work and bought some ibuprofen painkiller. After another chat, walked on to the shop at the other end of the town, enjoying the walk back home with the shopping.

Now it is four in the afternoon, and maybe take a short nap, or read a book. There was a card from the artist pair with an invitation to their show.

Interesting,

Perhaps other photographers are proving too costly.

forgetting

 most of today spent quietly at home.

Nothing to say, no excuses to be made.

It was cold.

The son arrived, he was exhausted from a difficult train journey.

spent time reading and forgetting,

swiftly

 now it is a quarter to one in the morning. A midnight meal of sushi just completed, and now realise that yesterdays post is forgotten. It was not much of a day. The cat is spending most of ots time in the shop now, since there is nobody in the rest of

the house. The day was spent with a bit of socialising and some work on the postcards of the artists work. In the evening go to the studio, and

the time goes by swiftly.

alone

 Not very much happened today apart from going shopping. The feeling of cold in the body will not go away despite the heating being on. The weather outside has turned cold, but that does not explain the cold creeping down the legs and up the back. It is maybe just immobility, or laziness.

The cat made a mess of its cat tray again. The solution will probably be to just get a larger cat tray. That will reduce the spray.

The day has been spent. It could have been spent in a better way, but now it has gone. It is a quarter past five in the evening, and things are simply not going anywhere. The constant feeling of being cold is horrible. Now it is even beginning to affect the fingers, and that in this well heated room.

There is little wish to write these notes today, this is such a solitary business. The cat is doing its best to give company, it seems frightened of being alone.