It will get worse as the day goes on.

The coffee and the eggs for breakfast, finish the parcel and send it away. By chance the parcel man is at the door, ask him if he can take it along. He says that this is a matter of course, and using a device from a holster on his hip, he scans the code on the parcel and prints out a receipt. Just lie that, no bother at all.

Walk on down to the store at the end of town and buy apples, cheese, eggs and bread, and a small plastic bucket too.

Upon returning with these purchases pack all the things into their respective places in the kitchen. There is a smell in the kitchen, it is the back full of packaging rubbish. There is probably a cat food tin there and that still has remains of cat food festering. Open the window  to let in some fresh air.

There is a whistle to the right hand side of the head, it will get worse in time. It will get worse as the day goes on.

working on the pictures

 Awaken and yesterdays aggro still gnaws. It is five in the morning, Get up, do the bathroom business and proceed straight to the kitchen to make coffee, eggs and toast. Take the whole lot upstairs, take the pills, wash them down with coffee. Start to finish the pictures, then one hour later the legs are freezing, lie down in bed and listen to the heart pounding out a message. It is like a bass drum in the head. Take a another pill, one against headaches, an analgesic.

Slowly everything returns to normal, the legs are still frosty despite their being under the blanket. And now, it is seven. Fix a few more pictures, and then resolve to call the doctor. The voice on the phone informs that there is no one at the practice today due to a training event. Even doctors need to learn. Decide not to call any of the alternative doctors mentioned on the tape. They cannot know any of the stories.

Go downstairs and make a further cup of coffee, then answer the doorbell. It is the parcel man, with a small wet parcel for the son. It is wet because it is raining heavily.

Leave the parcel on the piano, go upstairs.

And spend the next few hours working on the pictures and printing them.

aggro

 The return from the small town in the southwest of Germany, different people, different culture. It is a town that made money making weapons and it is a town that hopes to make money out of them again. It was a strange business, taking pictures of a family in deep discord unified now in part because of their mothers death. This return took hours of driving at high speed from near the border of France and Switzerland  back to Landshut, near Austria and the Czech Republic.

There was one picture taken by the police, a dazzling red flash, the bereaved was driving too fast. 

The day was spent at home, there was a dispute with the wife, and the poor son was made out as the  issue. Pure horror, for that is not fair, Not on him, and stupid to look back in such acrimony. 

The daily dose of headache tablets has been taken again, they keep those niggling depressing and enervating headaches at bay. There is no need for aggro.

fresh shirt and the black tie

 Last nights wandering about the town and those few drinks with the man so recently bereaved has left a strange impression this morning. Take the pills and a shower in the tiny bathroom attached to the plain room in the small guesthouse in the middle of town. All is clean and pretty, but it is plain.

The town is in a state of strong contrasts, with ruins next door to well-renovated buildings. It is placed on the steep slopes of the Neckar valley. The town has two major weapons manufacturers, covering part of the worlds demand for assault rifles and pistols and the like. The industries have picked up custom since Russia decided to march into Ukraine. War is good for this little town.

The breakfast time is forgotten, just go down and see now. The fresh shirt and the black tie are possibly excessive for breakfast. But there will be a funeral later.

the technology of the future today

 Against the prediction of the weather forecast, the sun is shining brightly on the town as soon as it rises. This makes getting up to make breakfast pleasant, a nice experience. The clutter in the kitchen is less of a pleasant experience, but as is said, you cannot have everything. Some things are just impossible. Why is there such a mess?

Clear a small space to proceed, eggs toast and coffee. It is necessary to retrieve a knive and wash it individurally, all the knives have been used to to spread various condiments on slices of bread and have been left lying about the place. There is no help for it.

Upstairs again, hear the sound of  the son getting up and leaving the house, he is the only one who really works now. Take the pills from the drawer and take them all three, this has got to be a habit, even though there is no knowing whether it is healthy or not. Blood pressure is a thing to be lived with.

There is an early morning 'phone call from the people who wish to install the glass fibre telecommunications network. This is another start to the day, the technology of the future today.

electric screwing machines

 Upon awakening realise that it is light outside. Get up to go downstairs, it is seven in the morning. This is not late and not early, it is time to make breakfast before the son gets up to go to work. Being a pensioner is strange, there are pictures in the mind of bow-backed old smokers in cloth caps and dirty jackets shuffling along the street to the next pub.

Straighten the back, walk upright, and be happy that it is now twenty three years since a cigarette was smoked. Perhaps it is nothing to be proud of, giving up a habit that costs money and gives no pleasure, but a certain amount of pride is there in the face of all the others who never give up for long. There seems to be no lack of young people who are starting to smoke now.

Finish all the pictures that had been taken yesterday. It is not possible to do easy justice to the collectors items, they are so varied and so seemingly haphazard. Resolve to take the pictures as the items aren never to change a position, never to remove anything that may be deemed unsuitable by personal taste at the time. If some ancient tribal artefact is lying on a copy of last weeks newspaper, then so be it. There is just too much stuff there to start gardening, without starting the thankless job of tidying everything.

Study the screwdriver bough yesterday in the flea market. It is a brand called Yankee, and with some astonishment see that there are still bits available for the devices. It seems a well-made pump action screwdriver, the type of equipment that has gone out of fashion since the existence of electric screwing machines.

up until midday

 It was a short drive down to the small town at the junction of thevRiver Vils and the Danube. Still, driving the car at its steady pace was tiring. Upon arriving at the town see that there was no bicycle parked before the small house. Therefore the collector was not at home. This was sad, but it did not matter much, consider that he would probably be there later.

It is market day in the small town, wander about admiring the wares in the stalls. There are no local stalls, they are all businesses that have come to the market from a greater distance, from Salzburg and from further away. Still, it is pleasant to wander around, and to have a so-called farmers doughnut from one of the stalls.

There is a coffee shop in town, it has just opened. Stop there for a cup of coffee, it seems that the owner of the shop has just started to work at midday. He roasts the coffee himself, there is a large machine for this purpose in the shop. 

The coffee is excellent, it is of a seldom to be found quality.

See the collector outside the café ride by on his bicycle. Tap on the window to get his attention. He comes over and enters the shop.

We talk and agree to meet at his house.

That is how the day started today, up until midday.

let us hope

 A gathering of old people gathered for a Saturday talk in the space before the gallery. They are shouting at each other, talking loudly. It is impossible. The head is singing, the tinnitus hissing. Give condolonces to the man who lost his mother this week, and talk about the funeral. Work as a funeral photographer, is that the future? Who knows the future, it has not happened yet.

Leave the illustrious gathering as soon as is politely possible, there is now a constant his in the right half of the head. It is a beautiful day, and they all shout this obvious news at each other. What is going on, this is no joy at all.

Serious thoughts, and then a walk through the town to try to reduce the concentration on that aural phenomenon on the right side of the head. Return home, recut a matte for a photo and pack the whole stack of stupid images. Not much of this is going to work well. Then the knife, blunt with all the practice, refuses to cut properly. This is all sad, it is all too bad.

This evening there will be another discussion. Hopefully it will not be so loud, hopefully there will be no sensation of deafness when there is more than one person speaking at a time. Let us hope.

with this problematic attitude

 The  depressions are back again, even though the weather is warmer today. The one does not seem to have much to do with the other. There are bouts of temper, no ability to do anything despite there being the urgent wish to be active, the only thing that works is lying down and sleeping which awaken guilt because there are things that need doing. It is all very confusing, these depressions. There is hunger and appetite and not real wish for food.

Outside the festivities in the town are starting. There are loud explosions as the "Böllerschützenverein" ignites its charges up before the castle walls, thereby signalling that the celebrations are about to begin. This means that after ten in the evening the streets will be littered with inebriated citizens.

It is probably better to remain at home with this problematic attitude.

Empty the clothes dryer and write these notes

 The feeling of pointlessness will not let go, not in the morning and not in the afternoon. Follow things on the computer, but there is no point. Read the novel b 

y Boyd, it dips of into salacious accounts of various meetings, lose interest. Accounts of sexual encounters are never really interesting, not now not at all.

Fill up the washing machine with clothes, then go out for another walk, visit the coffee shop. The two vociferous shop assistants are not there today, it is pleasant. A pair of sunglasses are found, and a woman comes in to collect them some minutes later. It is a grey miserable day outside, but she needs sunglasses. Later on, at home, transfer the washing from the washing machine to the dryer, making sure to leave out the shirts. They need to be air dried, or they will be impossible to iron. Take them upstairs and hang them up on the balcony, each one on its own wire hanger.

Go out, take a picture of a mouldy doorway in the street. At home again, do the editing necessary on the picture and put it online. Why not, this is a good thing to do  for personal fame and well being.

Then go out to see about that exhibition that the owner of a local restaurant wants. Listen to him ramble on , he talks from one thing to another. Let him pay for the drinks and for the pizza,

Then two a musician arrives, they proceed to talk about music. The music they are talking about is not of any interest. Stay for politeness sake, then go home.

Empty the clothes dryer and write these notes

another film

 The day started with rain, seeming endless, pouring down. The trees on the ridge are  becoming more and more green all the time. Breakfast made and eaten, think of what may be possible for the rest of the day. There are bricks under the repaired door, dusty untreated bricks. After thinking about this for a while, take some sheet of old newspaper and masking tape and isolate the bricks from the surroundings. Then paint them with linseed oil. This darkens the brickwork and increases the contrast to the mortar between the bricks. The effect is pleasant, and the smell of the linseed oil makes the room smell a bit like an artist painters studio. Remove the paper and the tape.

Later, the returns from the tax accountant's office arrive in the mail. These need to be signed, the prognosis is good that there will be money returned from the tax office. This is welcome news.

Wander down to the coffee shop. Whilst there realise that the service women in the place always use very loud voices to talk with each other and with customers. It grates on the nerves. The customers are generally quieter, but the uniformed store assistants shout all the time. It is the same in bakeries. Maybe it is the training. Perhaps a question would be in order, sometime. If the customers in the café were that loud too the place would be unbearable.

In the evening, go out to watch another film in the local cinema. A film using in Korean language with subtitles.

fake tears involved

 Open the door to the street this morning at eight and there are men in high visibility working clothes outside the door. They have come to install a glass fibre data connection which will hook the house up to the world wide web. They are friendly, show them down to the basement, trying to avoid the cobwebs down there. It is curious, but there are a number of ossified spiders hanging in their webs, chalky white.

Then watch for a while as the men work on the pavement, digging a tiny trench and connecting the wires. They have serious difficulties drilling through the wall of the house, but after a while they are through. They install their lines and fill the hole in the wall with plastic foam.

And in the early afternoon they fill their hole again and replace the paving on the pavement.

The tenant may have her new fast internet connection next week.

In the evening watch a film in the small cinema nearby. It is a film that is showing the making of a film that has an entirely unbelievable plot, with zombies and similar nonsense There are gallons of fake blood used and numerous bottles of fake tears involved

A simple device

 Leave the house early and walk, take a walk up the hill through the park. Pass the enclosure containing the Rhea birds, huge distant and dinosaur-like. The duck ponds are clean and empty, perhaps they have killed all of the poor fowl because of the bird flu. It is all very clean, all that is left are the signposts with the descriptions of the animals. 

Walk on and on, end up going past the son's first primary school. Visit a cafe cum bakery at the crossroads, it is filling up rapidly with pensioners unable to endure the boredom of their own four walls any more. Listen to them flirt with the women behind the counter. Remove a long black hair floating in the coffee, it must have come from one of the women. The one that made the coffee had long black hair. A black hair in the cup belonging to the grey haired man. There is something revolting about the hair in the coffee. Put it into the saucer after fishing it out of the cup. 

Walk up by the river, admiring all of the trees in their fresh green budding foliage, with all their trunks and branches still visible. It is a pleasant springtime sight.

Back at home the parcel has arrived. It is a small tablet computer which will have to be sent on to France. Hopefully it will suit the person it is being sent to. It is a simple device, not so elaborate as the newer ones.

rangefinder snaps

 After a morning reading, and printing a few pictures for the workers in the restaurant, go for a walk with that old German rangefinder camera and the much newer Chinese lens. 

After leaving the pictures in the restaurant, go on to the coffee shop down by the main road to have a bit of cake and a cup of coffee. Then walk on to the railway station, just for old times sake, why not? Buy a paper cup full of coffee there too.

Admire the water flowing under the bridges , and the ripples the ducks and coots make as they swim upstream. There are plenty of things to watch, and why do the birds spend so much energy swimming upstream?

Back towards the centre of town scrutinise the enormous collection of overpriced plastic modelling kits in a window. The man does not seem to care whether or not they are sold, some of the packaging has been bleached blue by the sunlight coming in through the window. There are all kinds of kits in many scales, some as accessories for model railways, some just for military enthusiasts.

In town there are the usual young motorists showing of their cars, and making noise revving up the engines to show off their tuned exhausts. Fart a bit in appreciation, but this is feeble by comparison.

Back at home the neighbours have started an argument.

Open the window.

Turn up the radio, play an American radio station from Louisiana. They sing in French, have a pronounced beat, and are good for drowning out the neighbours squabbles.

old German camera with the new Chinese lens

 It is a strange cold in the air, it is not really cold, it just steadily seeps in until the bones are chilled. It is note nearly freezing at eleven degrees centigrade, but it is just unpleasant. Leave the house in the morning and drive down to the furniture store. Buy a glass teapot.

That is the end of that story.

The day is still cold, take a walk up the hill to the luxury area of town, the place that has become very fashionable indeed to live in. Look up a house for a friend, but see that there is no name on the door. This is too bad. Walk back down to the town and take a picture of the town gate on the way. Use the old German camera with the new Chinese lens

They are setting up things for the town marathon, an event that takes place annually. A lot of barriers are being put up and the local breweries are assembling stands for beer sales to the people who will be watching. Buy a sandwich and wonder if life is going to continue in this depressing fashion.

self service checkout , two

 drive the forty kilometres to ikea to buy a teapot.

again.

Buy a few extra picture frames, why not they are cheap.

Forget the teapot on the counter of the self service payment area after paying for it.

notice this upon the return home.

What a waste of time

how stupid.

The frames are nice, but not really necessary at all.

It is worth a consideration to drive back to the place tomorrow and ask if the teapot was found. If not, just buy another one

And maybe a few more picture frames.

The goods are scanned by the customer.

There is no need to repeat yesterdays forgetfulness today. It is not necessary. The day was strange, the booklet with the pictures to thank the host at the party arrived, it is all right, it is colourful this time, not black and white. Put it in an envelope, write a note, and leave it at the studio door for the artist and host of that party to find. Hope that it gives him pleasure.

At the coffee shop buy a cheap filter coffee and watch the strange customers buying all kinds of things, mostly not even coffee related. Items of clothing suitable for the garden are a feature of this shop, even though its nominal business is selling coffee. Buy two insulated coffee glasses. They are clever, they are double walled, and it is not possible to really feel the heat of the coffee with the hands, despite the fact that it is scaldingly hot. It is nice not  to burn hands on the cup  to drink hot coffee.

Later on in the early afternoon a different parcel service arrives with the small Chinese lens that fits on the German camera. It is not an ideal solution, but it will serve. The result is a camera that is easily portable. Also, the lens is new, and is less than half the cost of a sixty year old original lens. It is a small kit for taking pictures on thirty five millimetre film, for the sake of nostalgia.

After a short nap, go to the building suppliers and buy four bolts to hold together a table. Four bolts, four nuts and four washers, all of the right length and strength. That was lucky. To be absolutely correct, they should have had a slit for a traditional screwdriver and not the modern hexagonal drive system. But three out of four features correct is very lucky indeed, the building suppliers seldom have exactly what is needed. The length, the strength, and the recessed head are all correct, there is no point in being picky.

Leave the hardware store without a word to anybody. Even the till is automatic, the goods are scanned by the customer.

yesterdays failure

 yesterdays highlight happened when it was nearly night. A long telephone call with an old friend.

the day was a fury of wandering and wondering and driving.

a device for cutting decorative cardboard frames was bought at the art supply. because the device was new and stiff the carrier for the blade slipped from its rail and cut the finger. It was so sharp that the wound took some time to start bleeding. then it would not stop doing so. Cut the first "mat", the device works. The construction is yet another example of sloppy overpriced construction from the united states. The last one was a stupid electric torch, all styling and overweight. But it works, and what on earth should last for ever anyway?

This post is for the twelfth of April, a day that was lost in headaches and was ended with a pot of herb tea.

cheap treat

 There is nothing to do today so do nothing apart from wander in circles. Then take the car to the filling station, and at the crowded cheaper filling station forget that this is not a Japanese car any more. The lid for the tank is on the right and not the left. After waiting, realisation comes that the car cannot be filled at this pump. Leave this petrol station and go to the more expensive one, it is just not worthwhile to get into line twice. Fill up the tank, and return the car to its parking spot. The whole affair has absorbed one hour of the day.

An online shop has left this customer waiting for nearly one whole month for a product. Now, after many telephone calls it has returned the money, completely and in full. The product was a camera bag, and it is fortunate to just have the money back. There is a certain disgust at online sales people who sell things that they do not have.

In the shops buy two packages of butter, a loaf of sliced white bread, and a package of miniature ice creams. This is not food for thought, it is not good for the body, or anything, but it is a cheap treat.

snow covered alps.

 The journey this morning was started out of frustration and ended in Allgaü within sight of the white peaks of the Alps.

There was a spur of the moment decision to visit an old friend, a younger man with a family in the country.

Arrive there and it is his sons birthday , they are having a birthday party, the son is about eight now.

So turn into a kids birthday party crasher. Spend the day chatting, an d telling people about the one time job in the reactor. They all want to know things.

Stay chatting untill eight in the evening, then drive back home.

Tired now, but the view of the snow covered alps was worthwhile.

no charge for time and dedication

 The ninth's post is now happening on the tenth, fifteen minutes after midnight, after an evening trying to arrange payment for work done during the past days.

The attempt failed, it is just a matter for having acquired a taste for working without having to write serious bills for time used. Having become accustomed to automatic payment for the time, it is now awkward to sit down and work out a tariff.

Never mind, in the case of dissatisfaction, there will be no need to go on working for these people.

They have already made inquiries as to what kind of camera they need to buy to be able to do these things themselves. All it would take is time and dedication, there can only be agreement here.

swoop

spotted a wooping pidgeon from the winow, approaching a perch at the end of the ridge of one of the roofs between the more distant bluffs  and this observation point. A long dive, a climp, a few wing flaps to balance, then another long dive, then a climb and a flutter to catch maybe a stall. Then another dive, culminating in a flutter as the bird reaches the top corner of the building and its perch. Remeber the blackbird the day berore yesterday and the magpie yesterday. They did not fly in long swoops like the pigeon, but they had the same objective.

There are too many things making distractions now, this life is becoming more and more complex. The son is proceeding with his plans, and the the wife seems to spend most of the day sorting things on a computer. No idea as to what is really going on, the only way is to carry on, for anything else would be a waste of time.

There are now nearly ten years of these daily posts available online. That is a long time when viewed from one perspective, and an inconsequential one from almost any other.

What a waste of Good Friday

Early rising, it is still dark outside. Feel that everything is in order, make an early breakfast, take the pills. Start work on the pictures from yesterday. And then, with no particular warning, the eyes get tired and sore, the head is heavy and is filled with a buzzing noise louder than the usual tinnitus' hiss.

Lie down and cover up. The body gets cold, make sure everything is covered. it is not really that cold in the room, but still, even though fully clothed and covered, shiver.

Get up and go to the restaurant, there are another ten photos to be taken. Shake. It is hard to concentrate on anything, everything is just too bad. The restaurant is quiet, there are three more people to take pictures of.

Take the pictures. Even their really good espresso does not help.

Return home and lie down again.

What a waste of Good Friday 

In the afternoon take a shower and wash the smell of industrial kitchen out of the pores and have a change of clothes.

she is happy in anticipation of easter with the the family

 In the morning, after awakening make pictures for the frames. It is tricky measuring the passe-partouts, for they do not fit, and the prints for the new pictures appear to dark on the print, despite their pleasant appearance on the screen. This could be faulty adjustment of the screen, it could be the rise in ambient temperature, or it is simply an error of judgement. The last is the most likely, and the least likely to be a satisfactory answer to the problem.

Measure out the frames, using a calliper to make the tiny marks on the paper.

Use tape to fix the prints, and mount the pictures without using glass, believing that there is no point in glazing a print that is deliberately made on matte paper.

When all is done, leave the house and go to the Italian restaurant, the owner of which wants the prints to decorate his walls with. Wonder if this is all worth while, then remember that if the pictures are seen to be in order, there will be a reference made, a sort of a recording of the event. That is all worth while. At least there will have been the pleasure of not wasting the time.

The wife of the Italian likes the pictures, and likes the frames too. She also approves of the extraordinary low pricing for the frames, they have a lower price than anyone would expect, and are "all right" in their simplicity. A professional frame in wood has a starting price four times as high without  the background board or the passe partout.

It is cold and nasty out, walk down to the centre of town and have a cup of coffee. There is a friendly greeting from the young woman, she is happy in anticipation of easter with the the family.

frames

 Took the car to buy frames at that Swedish furniture house, cheap frames for the cheap customers. It is a pleasanet enough drive, a cruise down the motorway. Enjoy a fast food meal in their low cost restauraunt, an assemblage of rubbery meatballs, mashed potatoes, green peas and a glutinous sauce. Have some coffee as well. Then take a tour of the lower storey of the shop. Buy three frames, all different sizes, a teapot and a box for a shelving system.

Leave the place and return to Landshut. That was a total of three hours just to purchase those few things.

Once at home, put the frames into the workroom and go out for a walk. Drop into the Brazilian artists, some of the work is nice and some is not so easy. It is nice to talk to her, and talk, then go for a cup of coffee, go home, pick up some photos and return to talk more.

She speaks of herself a lot, her German is not quite there, but it is possible to follow her meaning.

other things today

 It was hard work to make the printer accept paper sized DIN A3, realised that the makers of the print driver s had asked for sizes in centimetres and not the more usual millimetres. So much for that classical misunderstanding, if this had been an order to some firm a massive huge print would have been the result. Then there is the confusion between the German decimal mark and the American point. Aso the matter of the comma, and the American separator for thousands causes confusion. It is all a matter of point and comma, and it is all too bad.

Now it is all sorted, and the prints are presentable, despite the fact that the paper is just really cheap stuff.

At three go to the barber, and she does a good job of removing the distinctly woolly grey hair and leaving a decently trimmed head of hair behind. The hairline is steadily receding.

The cold is making it hard to do the work that had been planned, so do other things today.

shameless

 monday night in the local pub. 

itis called the Schwarzer Hahn. 

That is the German for the Black Cock.

sit there at a table having eaten the soup pf the day 

Read the news

a kid come into the locality with his friends

comes over to say move to the bar, free up the table

ask him whether he had any shame

stay

and order another drink just to piss him off

on this Palm Sunday there is no one on the streets

 Fixed the photos, and made a few prints. The colours are good, but the pictures of the jazz group are much too colourful. This is due to the lighting at the venue, a pub whose owner meant well. The bright lights had continuously changing colours of the spectrum, and due to all the modern LED technology the colours were very bright indeed. The pictures are garish, but there is no help for it.

Call the drummer of the band, and take a walk through the sodden town to deliver a few prints. As a reward, get two glasses of dried nettle for infusions. That is interesting, perhaps this will change this coffee drinker to a tea drinker. Urtica are  among the other herbs in there, Urtica are nettles. The drummer tells me that they are good for the kidneys. Urticaria is the rash on the skin produced by nettle stings.

It was fun to do the pictures, so a fair exchange is no robbery.

The town is dreary wet and cold, the steady dripping of the water has its own dystopian beauty. At six in the evening on this Palm Sunday there is no one on the streets and the cafés are all closed. It will be dark soon, the small town can gather its strength for the coming week

That must have been the pre-dawn chorus

Awake early, for the first time in months without the heater being necessary for comfort. It is cool, and there is a week blue glow in the sky announcing the dawn.

There is birdsong, this has been so for some days now, but today the chirping of the birds doing their business is especially pleasant. Later the steady insistent cooing of the pigeons will take over. The neighbours hens and the hawks are silent at this hour. Perhaps the birds of prey need the light to go about their hunting activities. Leave the door to the balcony shut, it is such a pleasant luxury now to know that it could be opened at any time. It is strange for something so inconsequential to be able to take such a huge weight off the mind.

The jobs to be done are to deal with the washed bedclothes and to process the pictures from last weeks concert. They need to be processed again, this is an attempt to present a unified picture of the show. It was such a mass of bright coloured lights, all close cut, intense, each almost monochrome in their fixation on a narrow band of wavelengths. All those very pure red, green and blue spotlights, with no subtlety whatsoever betweeen the primary colours. But the bedclothes are to be fixed first!

It is lighter outside now, and the birds are quieter.

That must have been the pre-dawn chorus.