news

 It is the last day of November today, about three weeks and three days until Christmas Eve. The day started late, it was a late night. After breakfast, noted that the mobile 'phone was nowhere to be found. Checked the computer, and the services there showed that it was still in the artist's studio, Gathered a few items that could be of use there and walked through the park. It was early afternoon, the pub was doing a good trade. The landlord there supplied a coffee, and the phone said "Here I am" after being called by name. It was hidden underneath the wrapper of a cake.

There was still some cake left, ate that with the coffee. Sat around in the empty studio for a while and then returned home, taking the longer way around town this time.

At home again did a few reprints of the pictures taken last Friday. Found some technical issues to solve and that kept the time flowing.

Made an evening meal of spaghetti with a ready made bolognese from a jar. The sauce was absolutely horrible, threw most of the meal away. It really was not good.

Finished the reprints after a short nap, and then watched the news. There seemed to be very little good news.

not here

 The day was  spent trying to make the printer print on architects paper. Without a raster image processor this is going to be almost impossible. This is a shame, but that is how it is. But the good side of it all is that other problems and difficulties involving this printing machine were solved.

The whole day was spent in a strange form of solitude, apart from meeting with the gallery people around midday. A number of strange people joined the meeting, and the undertone of madness just got to be too much. Paid the bill and left.

At home, repaired the jamming door to the house. Now it falls shut  again as it should.

The day is spent rather miserably, all the people in the streets are busy enjoying all of the Christmas carry-on. There is no use in being unfriendly or grouchy, it is just that Christmas has turned into a time for children.

There are no children here.

cheap presents

Woke at a quarter to seven without any use of alarms. It just seemed about the right time to get up. Had breakfast, four cups of coffee and two slices of bread. As soon as it was possible, arranged things with the dentist, and obtained a new appointment. The lady on the telephone sounded very professional, perhaps everything will work out. Later on in the morning went shopping, and after returning took a short rest, fifteen minutes.

The postman forced a small package into the slit in the letterbox. After loosening the jam, took the small package from China indoors and examined the contents. It was a lens plate for the big camera, and the internal packaging was fine and undamaged.

Took out the camera and checked the product for size. It seems to fit, it is a little on the tight size. Just barely tolerable, it will need care in use. Unmount the lens from the old plate and fit it onto the new one. Everything seems to function as it should.

Take the small camera and start to walk to the artist's studio. On the way stop at the small Turkish fast food place and buy a falafel. A young woman walks in and ignores everybody, despite both proprietors greeting. She vanishes into a door at the back of the shop. The two owners are her parents. They both laugh, and say that their daughter is always like that on her return from school.

At the studio have a cup of coffee and take pictures of the sculptures. These pictures are just as a reference, they are not completely worked with tripods and lighting and what have you. It is about two to three hours work. Afterwards enjoy a lonely beer in the meanwhile darkened room.

Return home after walking through the park. The weather is cold and there is sleet falling .

There are many people around, on account of the Black Friday. People are looking for cheap presents.

not serious at all

 Apart from going out to complain at the dentists about the behaviour of her colleague nothing really happened today. Up early, brushed the teeth and showered, there was not much new about that. There was no mail worth having, nothing new about that either. Perhaps the highlight of the day will have been the simple dish of spaghetti with tomato sauce made in the evening. The spaghetti were boiled with a shot of olive oil, this is much better than the rapeseed oil used hitherto. Perhaps this makes peoples crazes for fine olive oils understandable.

Spent the afternoon trying to make an inkjet print on tracing paper. This is much more difficult than at first assumed. The ink will not allow itself to be absorbed by the paper, it bleeds and spreads. It makes artefacts. The manufacturers claim on the package that it prints easily appears false.

It is early evening now, and something will have to be done. This sedentary existence cannot go on, it will lead to a death earlier than necessary. Today was bedevilled with ugly thoughts again, the thought that were life to end it would not be so serious at all.

waste

 The artist and teacher journey yesterday turned into a journey with the teacher alone.  The artist had his income tax to care about, so he said. The journey to the art supply shop was uneventful, and the teacher happily started to search for thise items which she needed for her classes. There was a small problem with identifying herself with the administration of the shop, but after a short while everything was fixed to everybody's satisfaction. The shop is very smart, there are painting brushes available there in all shapes and sizes and prices. The cheapest brush is a few euros and the most expensive one is made from the tail of some rare Russian mountain animal. They are the equipment for those who have everything and for whom money is without meaning. Two thousand euros for an artist's paintbrush is expensive.

The drive back in the rain and sleet was tiring. The artist was practically still asleep, his tax not done. Two cups of coffee later, and a short trip to his studio in the same car, and a few hours talk with him. Then all was in order. The teacher had to go and work, she had the students work to correct for the next day.

For today, that is.

Got up in the morning, on the cue of the alarm. Dressed in day clothes and made breakfast. Played Wordle, and read the news. The Putin suggestions have been dismissed by everybody but the Americans. 

At ten forty five there is the appointment with the safety engineers. Leave the house at just after ten and get the car. Park it in front of the house and open the double doors to the passageway. Wheel out the trailer and attach it to the hitch on the car and drive the whole ensemble to the engineers place. Pay the fee at the desk and wait. The engineer goes out to the trailer and completes his checks within minutes. The trailer receives a new stamp on its registration plate and a new set of papers. It is now certified roadworthy again.

At home, a complete lack of inertia sets in. Go out to get the shopping, and return. The tiredness and the feeling of cold are just too great. Lie down.

Let the rest of the day go to waste.

artist and teacher, both

The morning is nearly over and two of the things planned are done. The other two are not done. The dentist and the doctor will have to wait. The chair was repaired, at least it has been glued and clamped. But this should work. An appointment with the motor testing people has been made. Hopefully this will work out in order too., the appointment is for tomorrow. The coffee machine is descaling, that should be done in around twenty minutes.

This afternoon take the artist and the teacher to the art store. It will be the second tour to that establishment this week, it is driven by curiosity as to how two art professionals will work there. That will all take place in an hour, if they are punctual.

The small measurement scale arrived by mail. This is an item made in China, and represents extraordinarily good value. It is a circle with wedges cut out of it, each wedge labeled with it angle in degrees. It is not accurate to the second or anything, but it provides a pleasant simple guide to the work of measuring the sharpening angle of various blades and chisels.

It is now time to empty the coffee machine and to get the car to collect the artist and the teacher.

cold wet and miserable.

 Last night showed a hidden surprise from the day before. The people applying themselves to the artist's studio and using it to present themselves had all started squabbling. It was strange, for the one they chose to attack had been the friend of the artist for many years. Did they not realise that she was a rather special person? Their personal hubris did not allow them to see this, and now the whole arrangement is in danger of collapsing. It will be interesting to watch. It is important not to be involved in such personal matters.

The evening was quiet. Sharpened a few chisels for the artist, it is an interesting chore. When the interest is gone, he will have to do it himself.

This morning, after a very early false awakening, slept tide until nine, made breakfast and finished the Wordle puzzle.

Telephoned with an old friend, and then the rest of the day turned fovea to depressions. It is just too bad. Let the cat in to the shop and fed her in the little kitchen. Went upstairs to the summer flat and collected a few small items, and then took a short walk through the town and bought a very small overpriced plastic bottle containing wood glue. It will do to repair the chair that fell apart under the son months ago.

It is cold, wet and miserable outside.

good

 long lazy day, repaired a camera bag. Woke up shamefully late, that compensated going to bed ealy last night.

Tyhe constant tiredness is worse in winter.

Tomorrow it will be necessary to talk to the dentist.

The son will have returned to bayreuth tomorrow, he is concerned about an examination that will take place in the middle of December.

Spend the afternoon at the studio, learning how to sharpen a curved gouge. It is not entirely easy. The landlords girlfriend shows up in the workshop and offers som pasta salad. Be polite, thank her, and then try a bowl.

It is re volting, just

not good. It was partly frozen

The pub owner  from next door comes in with a roast and some grated horseradish. 

That is very good.

a statistically based information retrieval model

 Whatever is different now, it happened again this morning. Getting out of bed was much too easy, suspicious now, now that the problem of getting out of bed in the morning ha let up for a few days. It does not matter, went upstairs and took a shower. Changed the clothing that still smelt of the Italian restaurant.

Make breakfast, and take a short rest. Then go out to take a short walk in the chilly streets to the apothecary. There is a queue of people there, all waiting to collect their various pills. Some of them smell strongly of cigarette smoke, as if they have been in an enclosed chamber filled with such smoke. The smell is naueseating, it is good to be outside the place. There is a strange form of aggression in the room as well. It is not easy to understand what is causing this. Perhaps it is just the anger of people having to wait.

Walk back down the market square and turn into the home alley.

At home, check the news and wash the dishes. Do not forget to take the pills, inclusive the one from the fresh cardboard box.

Just in time for eleven in the morning go to the so called Neue Galerie in Landshut. This is an old mill building which has been converted into a gallery. There is a show opening there today. Go upstairs to the first floor, and realise that the second floor is completely filled with visitors to the "Vernissage". Since many of the exhibits are downstairs, have a look at the works whilst the knowledgable talk upstairs.

The work is bland. Large photographs with no real content, no presence. Largely soft clouds of colour squeezed into cheap frames. The otherr exhibitor has painted onto plexiglass sheets, various layers of plexiglass are layered over one another in white plastic frames. 

Finding it unconvincing go upstairs. The speeches have finished and the music has begun. The music, played by a saxophone player and a guitarist is good and well worth listening to. It is surprising to be known by so many people, they all make their greetings. There are a few people whom it is nice to meet again.

Leave when the music finishes, go home, ruminate a while, and then go to the photographic gallery. The gallery owner gives a cup of coffee, a small espresso. Look at the photographs again, all the portraits. They are to be left hanging there for another week. Later, in the Italian café, have a long talk about things over a cup of coffee.

And go shopping, and go home.

In the evening the son is there, have a chat with him. He tells of a few things that he has experienced. He is studying computer science and his knowledge of the technology allows him to predict that the bubble around the artificial intelligence will burst as soon as people realise that it is no more than a statistically based information retrieval model. Perhaps he is right. There is no new information there.

start bright

Whatever went wrong in the night, wakened in the soundless dark at six in the morning. Got up, expecting the dizziness to take over again, but it did not. Made a cup of coffee, and had some breakfast. Really, all seemed well.

Started to clean the shop and air the bedroom, rid it of the air of the night and let in the cold oxygen rich air of the morning.

Later, use the car to drive to the art shop in Forstinning. It is always a surprisingly long drive.

Once there, find the required matte carton easily, it takes very much longer to find a store attendant. The art shop is wildly expensive, but it is the only one that is within reach. It is a very pleasant place, everyone is very friendly. The memory from the last visit in their cafe lingers on, it is not a pleasant memory. Why do all these arty people have to be such snobs with their noses in the air all the time?

Take the journey back, the traffic is heavy and slow. Remain behind a truck all the way to the motorway, it is not worth overtaking. On the motorway maintain a steady low speed, there is no hurry and time will not really be saved by speeding. Pass by the doctors practice, but this is closed, it being Friday. There will have to be another trip to get a prescription. This may as well be next week.

In Landshut the tunnel ha been closed for repairs. This means that two of the major arteries into town have been blocked. It takes nearly an hour to get through town to the normal parking space.

After unloading the car, go to the apothecary to fill the doctors prescription. The pills are not available, it will be necessary to pick them up in the morning.

Go home and lie down. It is early evening.

alpha-gal

It is just this business of not being able to sleep and staying in bed too long. It has made a mess of the day, the inability to get out of the sheets early and to take a walk or something. Having breakfast and then lying down again is not a good strategy.

eCleaned up the kitchen , washed the dishes, made the bed, all that kind of thing. Walked to the urologists practice to get a new prescription, those particular pills are running out. It is cold weather, it is just not pleasant out of doors.

The general feeling of chill will not go away. It should actually be warm enough  with the radiators working. the thermometer says that it is warm enough, but the body just does not like it at all.

Give the wife her tax bill. She returns an angry look. She had been expecting a tax return, but her dealings with the accountant appear to have been ill advised. This is all very sad, but under the bottom line, just too bad.

Spend time resting in the bed.

Read the New York Times, and wonder what will happen next. There is an interesting article about people suffering from a tick-induced allergy to red meat. It is  most dangerous. Read about the president of the united states. He appears most dangerous too.

There are articles everywhere about mysterious deaths. It is time to stop reading these things

There will be a jazz concert this evening at the local Italian place. There will be all of the usual crowd there, all the alpha males and the alpha gals

Ronchamp

 There was a text message at seven in the morning, most unusual. Perhaps the artist had sent it in the evening and it had not been sent. Perhaps the artist's landlord had turned off the wireless lan for some reason. There is no way of really knowing all the mysteries of the online world. It is a sure thing that the artist would not have written a message at seven in the morning calling for a meeting on purpose.

The bed was most welcoming in the morning, really it was. Tinnitus was on both sides of the head for a change, this was unpleasant too. Make a sort of breakfast, there are no eggs available, just jam on toast. Black coffee too, strangely bitter today.

Try to organise things, take the plants in from the balcony before they are completely frozen. It is a silly thing to have tropical plants in Germany when everyone knows that it freezes in winter.

Make an online purchase of a lens board made in China. Let us see if they manage to get the quality right. It is less than half the price of the original, made in Europe.

After eating the one remaining avocado pear walk to the shops. Stop on the way for a cup of coffee and a  Bauernkücherl, a sort of local doughnut, just flat and with no hole in the middle. They are tasty, and probably very fattening.

Buy a bag of avocados and a cardboard carrier of Braeburn apples. A carton of ten eggs and a loaf of bread. Finally a wedge of cheese, and then head for the till. Half way through checking out the goods notice that the cat has been forgotten. Leave the till and go to the nearby stand of cat food and buy six little packages. Finish checking the things out and then use the mobile 'phone to pay with.

Walking back home, remember that the razor does not work any more. Go into the drug and cosmetics store and buy a new one. This is a strange type of electric razor that looks much like a normal bladed razor, except that it is not one of those. Hopefully this newfangled device will work and will be an improvement.

Return home and receive a text message from the friend of the artist. She congratulates to the successful interview with the lawyer yesterday and writes a reminder for the concert tomorrow evening. Also, there will need to be an appointment at the weekend to finish framing the picture of the church of our lady on the hill in Ronchamp. She needs it for her school, for a lecture on Le Corbusier.

Things to think about.

 At seven in the morning there is the sound of the alarm. Get up and silence it, then go to the bathroom, everything is fine. It is still dark outside. Put on the coffee maker and then return to the bedroom. Get dressed, finish just in time to turn off the coffee maker. Arrange everything for the online meeting later, and sit down with the news, a few slices of toast and the fresh hot coffee.

Keep on working out the things that need to be done for the online meeting with the lawyer. It is a slightly different system than the online systems that had been in use at the university during covid, but not so very much different.

At eight forty five start to set things up, and punctually at nine the system seems to start working. After a few seconds of insecurity it is established that we can both see and hear each other.

Ask questions and receive long winded answers. But it appears as if things are not as bad as one might have thought. But then the lawyer has to maintain some kind of positive attitude. She talks quite a lot, but her speech remains clear. The whole conversation remains civilised and clear, it is done in forty minutes.

Think about it all for a while.

Then pick up the wood carving tool the handle of which was modified the day before and walk on over to the artist's studio. The author and his wife are there, they are packing up the folding chairs that had been in use during the event on last Friday. Help them carry the chairs to their car, and then set about regrinding the tool. The adjustment of the grinder is slightly complicated, but not really difficult. After half an hour the job is done, and the chisel is reassembled and serviceable. It is now extremely sharp.

Chat with the pub owner for a while, then accompany him as he walks his dog.

About town, have a snack and at another place enjoy a cup of coffee. Then return home, finish tidying and lie down. Getting up early has taken its toll.

Later in the day see single yellow waste bags outside the house on the opposite side of the road. Tomorrow must be the yellow bag collection day. Take the bag hanging in the kitchen, go upstairs to the kitchen there and take that yellow bag, and go out towards the yard and take the three yellow bags stored there. Bring all of these flimsy bags out to the collection point in the street and leave them there. 

That is that chore done.

Finish writing these notes. Now the cat is calling from the passageway. Let her in. She will be fed later

failing light

 Essentially it was just nervousness that started the day at six today. Because of yesterday's inactivity the watch had stopped, and what with one thing and another it took until eleven for things to start in a sensible manner. Took a walk in the rain and got wet. Spent too long looking at things on the computer, then took the artist chisel to the grinder. The grinding and filing on the chisel was necessary in order to be able to fit it into the jig of the sharpening machine. Thought about walking over to the artists studio to finish the job, but decided against this.

There will be the discussion with the lawyer in the morning, and it will be necessary to stay completely concentrated. There is a considerable sum of money and the future well-being of several people at stake. It would be no time for ill considered decisions made in anger.

There is little to do during this day. A walk might have been a good idea, but now the light is failing. Also yesterdays cold and sniffles and headaches are not yet forgotten and not altogether gone.

Perhaps some other form of harmless entertainment can be done this evening.

probably not

 The day started at seven, there was breakfast and the end of the work on the pictures. At nine there was an awful pain under the ear, and in the neck. Some nerve acting in a matter in which it should not. Let it go away, then make another cup of coffee. Take a warm shower, and feed the cat again.

The pain returns, just for a short while. The left shoulder is involved now too. It comes and goes suddenly, as if it had a switch. There is no ache or lingering pain. But is was hard to concentrate, so lay down and tried to sleep it off, whatever. Feel cold all the time, despite its being quite warm inside. There is no wish to leave the shop.

Later write an email, send the link to the pictures away. Let them be gone, the job is done. Further inquiries will cost the inquirer.  

Look at things on the social media on the computer. Really, reading a book would be in order. They are all upstairs, in the icy cold. The cat wants to be fed again and again, it also looks as if the animal wants to receive food upstairs, as is usually the case when the wife is there. She has been gone since Friday, so the cat receives its food downstairs. The cat goes upstairs once, taking care that she is being followed. Go upstairs, but recoil at the disorder in the kitchen, there is no cat food there anyhow. Hurry back downstairs, surprised at the warmth, and keep those aches and pains company

The cat returns downstairs, she calls from the passageway. Let her in,  she composes herself on the sofa and falls asleep.

Take another rest on the couch, slowly things are improving.

It is now a quarter past five and the sounds from upstairs say that the wife has returned. She may say where she has been later, but she probably won't.

Not a word has been spoken to anybody today, and the only communication has been with the cat.

young woman wants a cleaning job

 Start early and then fall apart and have to lie down again. This story is just going on too long. But then, perhaps that is the story from now on.

Try to make things work on the computer, but the network no longer works. Breakfast was not so great either. And presumably the pills were simply forgotten. This is all unhealthy.

Make a second pot of coffee. That is not healthy either, but at least it is a steep towards waking fully.

At half past twelve go and meet with the gallery people in a posh café around the corner. Chat for a while, finish the coffee and return home. Go to the shops and buy a few things, not forgetting food for the cat. Take care not to buy the sloppy stuff, the cat is none to keen on it and it is hard to handle.

Walk back home and start to be depressed again. This is not the way it should be. A pretty young woman stops the dismal train of thoughts. In the picturesque alley she asks whether a job for a cleaner would be available. She says that she is short of money, she would clean the windows, wash the floors. She says that she is really hard up. The chances are that this is a scam. She is making such a charming impression despite her apparent shyness, the eyelashes just a little bit fluttery, a sidelong glance as she is talking. Very nice, a lovely idea, but there is no need to make life any more complicated than it already is. Stopping an old guy on the street and suggesting to do cleaning work for him, it is not quite credible. Then she wants to be taken for a cup of coffee in one of the cafés nearby. Give her two euros for her trouble, and say goodbye. There really is no time for further problems, even if she is bona fide.

Go home, take a rest. Repair the network by unplugging the wireless router and then plugging it back in. Spend the day editing yesterdays pictures.

Make a meal in the evening, potatoes and a sausage. All quite in order, plan for an early night-

pil sense

 Now that it is twenty five past five in the afternoon, it is time to draw the line under a day that was almost a total waste. It was just spent ruminating over past things. It started much too late after a night of mostly poor sleep. Getting up at three in the morning to check upon the clock is probably a definition of poor sleep. Then checking to see if the clock is telling the right time by looking at the mobile phone. The phone agrees with the clock. Finally, fall asleep at six in the morning, and then shock and horror at the awakening at midday.  

The cat is outside the door complaining loudly. Open the door, feed the remainder of a small tinfoil container of cat food, and then wait until the animal complains again. Let it out into the passageway, it goes back upstairs. The cat has heard the wife returning from whatever the wife was doing, and the animal presumes that there will be a further feed available upstairs. The animal is getting rather large, it has divined a use for the lack of communication among humans.

Spend the afternoon fixing a few pictures, put a couple of them online. Sort through a few things, eventually go up and have a shower and a shave. 

Almost two hours ago a headache starts, not the pounding variety, just a nasty constant pain on the left hand side of the forehead. The pain swells and diminishes. Take a headache tablet. perhaps it will go before this evenings entertainment in the studio. An author will be reading from his book. It is called a reading. Make a measurement of the blood pressure. This is far too high. Take a pill for that too. Lie down in the dark for a while, the headache diminishes.  The reading will take place in an hour. The last thing to do is to be there early.

Finish off the apple juice, throw away the carton. Consider whether taking a further headache pill would make any sense.

misread the clock and the date

 and now it is ten to one and so yesterdays post was forgotten. 

The day spent doing things so eminently forgetful that there is no cause to remember them any more.

Met the Argentine. He is still hankering after some woman, any woman, the main thing is that he feels that he needs sex. At seventy seven his options are limited, but he does not see that as a problem. He talks about relationships, but in the end it just comes down to sex. The internet will be his ruin.

Spend the evening until midnight sharpening blades in the artist's studio. It is a strange hobby, but there is a beauty having a device that is out of service and severely used sharpened and polished so that it has a worthwhile function again.

And now it is time for bed,

now the first post of the fourteenth

jars and bottles

 A pleasant early awakening today, and it is a joy to be able to make breakfast in the little kitchen immediately after wakening. It is now a quarter past twelve, and at this time the resst of the day seems promising. Yesterdays journey was pleasant, this thing will have to be repeated another time. Maybe a journey to Nuremberg or Würzburg would be a good idea.

The big bag of empty glass jars has now gone on its final journey to the bottle bank. The bag was full and heavy after the months-long accumulation of containers. It seems a shame, but there is really no use for them.

Shopping afterwards was just automatic. There was nothing really that was needed. Now that the festive season has started curious things such as warmers for mulled wine are on display. That is one thing that would really clutter a kitchen up.

Walk back home along the river, with the bit of shopping in the same bag. Returning home empty the shopping into the various cubbyholes for the various things, and put the cloth back on the hanger, waiting to be filled with used jars and bottles again.

strange visit

 At midday give up with trying tpp stay awake at home. Go to the station by bus and take the next train to Passau. Wander about the town. They are clearin g trees from the steep bank of the Danube with a helicopter. The noise is to be heard all over town.

Take a picture of the monument to that pogrom night eighty years ago. There is an flag raise with the Star of David on it.

Take another picture of people playing cards with the monument in thebackground. Take the picture theough the window od the cafe nearby.

Now return to the station. Passau is not a big town, arrive at the station much too early. The train is waiting, so get in and write these notes. The train will leave in twelve minutes.

It was a strange outing, It was nice to see Passau on the Autumn.

6 7

 There was a late night discussion with a man running a guest house last night. His landlord and his landlords girlfriend had given him a hard time with curious references to his duties towards them. There is not much to be done beyond paying the rent in a normal situation, but that couple thinks that the work circulates about their ideas. The fact that their ideas vary from week to week does not make things easy.

Woke early, heard the son say goodbye in the corridor, and stepping outside the door watched him walk around the corner by the church. It would have been nice to talk to him, but perhaps this will happen at a later date.

After waking, and after getting up, realise that a shower is necessary. After breakfast go upstairs and have a shower. Then go on to the top flat and count out the pills for the day, and take them and a few extra clothes downstairs into the warm shop. The whole day continues on a slow drift, with the cold foggy weather doing its part to maintain a steady depressed feeling. There is the constant suspicion that a major health episode is lurking, waiting to strike. The knowledge that this is most unlikely does nothing to allay the suspicion.

The supermarket has repaired and refilled its refrigerated shelving. Buy a few things, but this is all in the knowledge that there will be little desire to cook them.

At home, there is a call from the tiresome people wanting help transporting some chairs. It is all very well them having a car that has broken down, but it is surely so that they could have had it fixed in the meantime, Instead they will avail of a this friends generosity more or less free of charge.

The general feeling of depression are wearing down a bit, after such an indolent day.

This is a thought that comes from living in a sick heaven

Deep thoughts and depressive illness

Society invests in every individual, some societal structures more and others much less. Some believe that only those from an affluent background are deserving of investment and some believe that the origins of each individual is are of no account, all require and deserve support. The structure that invests in all of its population will most likely succeed in supporting those who will return the most to the society. Is that true? Perhaps so, perhaps no, it is hard to know this.

Early awakening, bright and fun of happiness, then almost at once a complete collapse into the darkness of black sleep until the day outside is bright as pmidday.

A short check on the watch confirms that this is so.

Make a cup of coffee, and wonder what is wrong. There is no concentration on the things that are around everywhere. There is no great ability to make breakfast, but after a while manage to settle down, put clothes on, drink coffee, and make a second pot to be enjoyed with the poached eggs on toast. There is something to be done, take a walk down to the insurance company with the letter from the dentist. The application for support is turned down, this was to be expected. This is too bad.

A steady tiredness starts to affect the body, taking its toll on the functions of the body. Walk slowly to the Neustadt, and after stopping to talk with a man who has made himself almost unrecognisable by growing a beard, go to the small café and enjoy a piece of the cheapest cake with a simple filtered coffee. That is fine. Then check that the car is still legally parked, the work on the building there has caused the positioning of the parking zones to be changed repeatedly. After seeing that everything is in order, return home.

Open the windows to air the room, and lie down to sleep. Set the alarm for a short period, but this is insufficient. Remain in bed until it is six in the evening.

The cat comes down from upstairs. There is still some cat food from yesterday, she receives a plateful. She is disdainful, the feline nose is probably wrinkled under all the fur. Throw the cat food into the biological waste and open up a fresh package. This is accepted. After half an hour the cat returns and requires more of the same. She then retires to a corner of the shop.

Read the news, do the puzzle.

It would be nice to have company, but company is not to be had.

day in the next town

 Got out of bed despite having gone to bed early this morning. Got up and made a bit of breakfast and dressed and drank coffee somehow all at once. Washed and combed the white hair, out of curiosity checked the top of the head for a bald spot. It is not there yet, not in the least.

That is lucky.

Take the camera and the raincoat and walk down to the bus in the rain. It is ten in the morning, the bus drives to the station and then discover that the train is ten minutes late. That is not really  a problem. The train to Regensburg is moderately filled. On the way the brother telephones, and reassure him that all is well his brother is under way. His hotel is a short distance from the railway station. When he is there have a chat with him and a talk of one thing and another with his wife. After a while her son and grandson appear.

Got for a longer walk around Regensburg with the brother and his dog. He has a plan to show our  deceased mothers work in his gardening centre next year. Warn him that he is arranging a very tight schedule.

By chance meet up with the rest of his family on a walk about the town. They take the dog, and walk on to a cinema with the brother. He checks the films, and then go for a small meal.

It was dark when the two brothers arrived at the railway station. Returned to Landshut, and realised that the last regular bus had left at eight. The night bus would arrive in an hour.

Walked home in twenty minutes, and lay down for another twenty minutes.

Now all is done.

Perhaps a glass of beer in the pub would be in order.

bad strategy

Things are different after an early night. Just lie in bed and know full well that it is the depressions that will forbid any effort at leaving the warm comfort of the sheets and the duvet.

Nature forces the issue, get up and walk around the corner to the small bathroom. The tiny, ill -planned,  bathroom. And then directly afterwards start to make a small pot of coffee. Go back to the studio with its couch, then go out again when the coffee is ready.

Decide to go upstairs for a shower and a shave, or rather shave first, then shower. Note that there is a strange pouch with a toothbrush on the washing machine, and that somebody has been using the clothes dryer. Have a shower, note that the water about the feet is steadily rising. Bend down and clear the copious quantities of hair caught in the sieve of the showers drain. The drain functions now.

Downstairs, comb the hair and put on the day clothes.

There is a noise of footsteps caused by somebody rapidly descending the stairway. Look out of the doorway of the shop and see a small figure running off into the distance.

Some time later there is the sound of more feet on the stairway. Look out into the passageway and say good morning to the son. He seems entirely confused and mutters something.

Then there is the sound of voices outside, then the sound of feet ascending the stairway. And a while later the sound of descent again. Look out into the hallway, there is the son. Exchange a few words, he is still not answering much.

Rest for a while, then go upstairs to collect a few clothes. The upstairs rooms are icy cold now, it is not worth heating them through the winter. On the way down the stairway see the wife coming up the stairway. Wish her a friendly greeting, receive ignorance in return.

Things are not looking up at all. Go downstairs, pack away those clothes and lie down on the bed, lie down until the rage has dissipated and the depression returned.

this can not go on like this

This morning there was no feeling well at all. Made breakfast, got up. and just could not be bothered doing the things that the day most probably required. There is a wish to go to work and to take over some duty, but this has been gone now for five years. It is cold, and feel cold too. Return to the couch and cover up. Some entertainment like the cinema would be a help now, a working television set a distraction. But neither is available on  a Friday morning, or for that matter; at all, ever.

A telephone all from the brother at midday, get up and extract the ringing telephone from the jacket still hanging where it had been hung last night. The jacket has many pockets, some zippered, others not. It took time to find the loudly ringing device. Enjoy a short conversation with the brother, perhaps we may meet up in Regensburg on Sunday.

Take a walk around town, everyone in their winter clothes. It is a depressing time of year, people running around doing their seasonal weekend shopping. After one short circuit and a visit to a café just return home. There is no wish to do the things that need doing, there is enough to do but none of it will be done.

Now it half past four in the afternoon, this can not go on like this.

sometime

 Departed from the house in considerable self disgust. The morning was wasted, there is no wish to be involved in family things any more. There is a complete lack of future in all of these dealings. It is a shame that so much that was gained will be lost. What can one say?

There is nothing to bleat about. If you are driven to things by decency then indecency will have an easy time of just making fun of you. It

is just a matter of viewpoint.

Went to the tool suppliers and baut a small bottle of cutting oil. Hopefully that will turn out to be the right thing for the stropping belt on the sharpening machine.

Then walk to the artists studio. 

Work out how to use the sharpening jig which arrived by post today.

Out of curiosity sharpen most of the concave wood working chisels in the workshop.

At eight in the evening they are razor sharp, but for one misshapen gouge, which some expert will have to deal with by hand.

Sometime

Dry

 the darkness and depressions of this morning have moved on, now after a walk, a meting with a friendly person, a small amount of shopping things are a bit better.

It is five in the evening, the bad times were at ten this morning. A simple feeling of desperation, of not knowing how to deal with the things all around, and the leaden tiredness just asking to lie down in warmth and comfort. A midday shower did help a lot to clear things up. The used clothes were put into the washing machine at this occasion. A walk to the shops only to see that the shop has not brought its shelving problem into some kind of order yet,  and a longer walk up by the river to the next store belonging to that chain. Buy a few things there, including a spot bulb, a thing that has been searched for for some time now. The simple things make a certain amount of happiness.

The bulb now installed works well, it concentrates the available light upon the table surface. That is pleasant enough, the wooden ceiling may now vanish into darkness.

The headaches are still there, but they seem to be receding. That is a good thing. It is cold, but the sudden feeling of bitter cold from this morning has gone.

It is now time to get the washing from the dryer.

military man

 Today was badly spent doing little other than reading, and taking a short walk about town. The morning was frustrating, there is nothing and nobody to wake for. The temptation is just to stay in bed. There is no coffee for the Bialetti machine, start the day with an Espresso. The cat demands ingress, then demands food. She wanders about a bit, she complains, and then she wants the door opened so that she may leave.

At midday, the above mentioned walk about town. There is no point in visiting the usual supermarket in the Mall, they are being reconstructed. Go to the coffee shop and buy a simple blend. The woman grinds it and then closes the bag with adhesive tape. All are perfectly friendly.

Wander down to the river, and enjoy the sunlight. Eventually a man from the municipality comes by and asks people to leave the benches as they want to drive a street sweeper past. This causes flying pebbles and some dust. Walk on home. At the church a man approaches and asks where a certain guest house is. Think about it and then guide him there. He turns out to be a Canadian, a military man who had been wounded in Afghanistan. He is talkative, and would like to continue the acquaintance, but no, decide to wander on back home. There is always the enhanced risk of a military person having views on life both dangerous and unwanted. This may be prejudice, but today is just too tiring for socialising.

At home, mooch about again, and then lie down for a couple of hours. 

This is a confluence of late nights and no company during the day other than the cat.

barkeeper

 Awakened early,  early this morning. It was five. And after this hear the wife's alarm sound upstairs, or perhaps it is at the neighbours upstairs. It is all very well, but it is before six in the morning. Some minutes later, hear footsteps descending the stairs, and still have no ideas. Maybe it is the stairs next door.

Get up and make a cup of coffee, and sit there sipping. Listen as there are more footsteps on the steps and then hear the front door slam to. That is the wife. It is most probably the wife.

Go upstairs and shave and have a shower. Go over to the upstairs kitchen and look into the open door at the wife's bed. It is unmade, that is typical. The cat is sitting there, staring at the intruder. Stare back for a second or two, then survey the kitchen. It is a deplorable mess. Go upstairs to the cold bedroom and get the pills. They are still up there. Break the four out of their plastic packages and take them. Then go all the way downstairs and drink a glass of water. Things are all right now, change into day clothes and prepare for the day. The cat comes down and calls from the corridor. Let her in, and give her a small amount of food.

At shortly before half past nine, go to the store in the mall. See that they have not yet fixed the problem with the refrigerated shelving. Buy nothing, and leave the store. There is no butter and no cheese. This is a waste of time.

Meander through the mall looking at things. Then, at a quarter to ten go to the lawyers office and present the required papers. There is a small glitch, one confirmation was forgotten. The pleasant secretary prints out the page, and so sign it. Now all is complete.

Return home and try to organise a few things. At about half past eleven take the car, and drive it to a large shopping centre outside town. Stop there to do the shopping.

Wander around the electronics store there to kill time. There are a great many very large television sets on offer. These huge screens are now being sold at prices that are a fraction of those demanded years ago. The last visit to this store was years ago. There are no small monitors or screens available at all. The large screens do not appear to be priced according to their size, but according to brand and attributes.

Leave to go to the dentist for an inspection. A short wait in the smart waiting room, a form to fill out, a disclaimer to sign. Ten minutes later a short wait in the chair, then an explanation, and then a complex radiographic picture of all the teeth. There is plenty of heavy metal in the aged mouth.

Then the head dentist arrives, and explains that the better radiological system would provide more safety during the operation. This would be costly.

Ask him to forward the details, there is no imminent pain, and there will be no short term disasters. Thank him for his attention and his time and leave. Medical insurance will pay for all of this.

Drive home, and have no trouble finding a parking spot. That is a positive experience for the day. Next, print out the pictures taken at the local beside the artists studio. The people there should be happy with the prints.

a waiters waistcoat

 Sleep was lovely and deep last night, there is no real reason for this, but there is no need to be ungrateful.

Started to sort the papers for the divorce proceedings, those proceedings which will hopefully never need to take place. But it is better to be prepared than to be an idiot.

The cat payed attention today, it let itself be fed on and off. It was a quiet relaxed Sunday, there was no need to go out into the rain. The rain poured down all day, it was not so very pleasant.

There were a few pictures to edit today, a few of those pictures taken last night.

They show a barman filling a glass from the tap of a beer dispenser. He is a well built man with a carefully maintained bald head. He is wearing a waiters waistcoat.

fourteen twenty nine oh nine

 After last nights late session in the artist's studio, talking about art and woodwork, pride and prejudice and watching him start a new work on a large heavy piece of wood. This is a figure again, a figure borrowed from a comic book.

The morning started well, all the necessary things were done, even though it was late. The cat called for attention in the morning, but all she really wanted was food. She received a small blob of food on the plate that is now hers. She ate this in its entirety. It seems a mistake to provide the animal with too much food, the stomach can not absorb the quantities that the cats mind is comfortable with. What sort of a mind do cats have anyhow?

Upstairs in the small bedroom put all four of the pills into the hand and take them down to take them with a large glass of water. This prevents them from being stuck in the throat. This has happened repeatedly now, and it is unpleasant.

Lie down for half an hour, and then get up and go to the photographer's meeting. As always, there are only two photographers there, the rest are just a crowd of arty farts. Drink a cup of coffee, stay for half an hour, and leave.

And now it is nearly half past two in the early afternoon.