bad morning

 the day is rough at the beginning, even though it looks harmless, there is the short staggering to the bathroom, stroke the cats head not realising that the only reason that she is so friendly is because she is hungry, she may not be being friendly at all.
It was a nice thought to get up and go for a walk, but this is not going to work. The dead immobility of the depression reaches out and puts an end to the practical realisation of such simple ideas. The depression hides too, and says "it's you". Of course it is. Self inflicted pain, just a simulation to gain attention. It is hard to describe and it is easier to attach the own person than to claim an illness, one that will get you sneered at and pitied. The inside confusion not allowing help from those willing to give it, knowing that the problem is so inaccessible that even offers of help cause irritation, pain and anger. It is a personal weakness there is nothing to do but to sit down and read,  later on verbal abuse will be received for letting the poor fat cat go hungry not realising it's calls were for food, the first human greeting is take as being abuse, just roll up and read the book.

Work has finished and now it would be necessary to start to clean up the house, but why start to tidy up others mess, it is just too bad this morning